


A Most Important Decision

by LadyPeck



Category: Star Trek: Discovery
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Arranged Marriage, Consensual Underage Sex, F/M, Telepathic Bond, Telepathic Sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-05
Updated: 2020-02-07
Packaged: 2021-02-27 06:33:50
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Underage
Chapters: 6
Words: 23,143
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22132603
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LadyPeck/pseuds/LadyPeck
Summary: After T'Pring breaks her bond with Spock, Sarek and Amanda decide Michael would make a good bond-mate for their son, but they need time to decide if they want to become bonded. As Spock and Michael grow closer the threat from Logic Extremists threatens not only their efforts to find love, but their very lives.
Relationships: Michael Burnham & Spock, Michael Burnham/Spock
Comments: 29
Kudos: 97





	1. Parking Mode

It was like walking through thigh deep water.

That was Michael Burnham’s first thoughts upon stepping out of Ambassador Sarek’s shuttle and onto Vulcan soil for the first time. Not only was the gravity heavier, but the air was thinner, and so hot she broke into a sweat almost immediately. It occurred to her that maybe she’d not only lost her parents, but she’d also died in the attack on Doctari Alpha and was now in some kind of hell.

It wasn’t so much that Vulcan was a lot different from Doctari Alpha. It wasn’t. Both planets had more than one sun in the sky, both were hot and arid, but at least the air had been easier to breathe, and the gravity was closer to Earth normal. Here, on Vulcan, it felt as though the planet itself rejected her upon arrival.

Thoughts of how life was over, she would never feel joy and happiness again, began to fade over the next two years for Michael. She found acceptance from her foster family, and even came to love them, but she could never fully give herself over to loving them. Not the way they apparently loved her. Logic extremists targeted them with alarming frequency, though Sarek, Amanda, and even Spock, a boy two years her junior, assured her they targeted the family because of him, not her.

Security measures kept their home life peaceful. It wasn’t until leaving the house for school or work that they had reason for concern, and it was this very thing that held Michael back. She refused to call Amanda mother, or Sarek father, or Spock brother, even though there were times she wanted to. The threat of violence ripping them away from her made it too difficult for her to let her guard down. After all, if one angry group of killers had taken her natural parents from her, why wouldn’t another take this new one? The thought of trying to start over again made her sick to her stomach.

Childhood gave way to puberty and adolescence. Like any human girl, Michael developed infatuations with Vulcan boys only to have those feelings met with cold indifference. Most Vulcan children were promised off to another at the age of seven, and they were uninterested in dating and physical intimacy with an off-worlder, especially a human. Rather, the Vulcan boys she came to know prided themselves in their pursuit of logic, even if they didn’t realize the hypocrisy in taking pleasure in causing her emotional distress.

T’Pring, Spock’s promised, began to visit with Spock regularly. She one time caught them in the garden, standing face to face, each of them holding up two fingers that they pressed together. There was sweat on their brows and their breath came quickly. At seventeen years of age, Michael understood what they were doing: The Vulcan equivalent of making out, or even heavy petting. It was the jealousy she wasn’t prepared for. It hit her emotionally like a kick to the gut.

T’Pring quickly picked up on Michael’s feelings, reading her better than Michael could read herself. She’d hoped to befriend T’Pring, but the girl was cruel, and she taunted Michael whenever they were alone. It was subtle, the way T’Pring teased her. Sometimes so subtle Michael wasn’t sure if she simply mistook the girl’s meaning.

“Spock is quite skilled in touch transference,” T’Pring once said, when coming to the house after dinner. “He can induce the most pleasurable sensations in the body. It is regrettable he will never share that part of himself with you, is it not?”

It was only a few months into her visits that she met a boy named Stonn and dropped Spock like a hot stone. Watching him struggle with his feelings was painful, yet he wouldn’t let Michael get close.

“My thoughts on T’Pring’s apparent rejection are no concern of yours,” he once said, practically snapping at her, when she found him in the garden, staring at the bubbling waters of Amanda’s prized in-ground fountain.

“Excuse me for trying to be a friend,” she snapped back. “I thought I’d try to be here for you but if you’d rather mope alone then go right ahead!”

“I am not moping,” he replied, trying to appear calm, but the sadness in his face turned to anger in the blink of an eye. “I simply sought solitude to meditate and you interrupted.”

Michael scoffed as she looked at him. “Meditating, right. Meditating on that finger thing you used to do with her? What was that, anyway? Telepathic sex?”

“More like foreplay. Something no respectable Vulcan will ever give a pitiable orphaned human girl like you the pleasure of experiencing.”

She didn’t even realize she’d slapped him until she felt the sting in her hand. He stepped back, eyes as wide in shock as hers.

“I overstepped,” Spock said, lacing his hands behind his back as his face flushed. “I apologize.”

“Fuck you, Spock.”

She hurried into the house, her heart heavy with hurt but her belly burning with anger. To hell with him. She’d never be his sister, but she’d tried to be his friend. Apparently that was unwelcome as well.

Tension was high between them for three months until T’Pring demanded an annulment and a breaking of their betrothal bond, leaving Spock without a mate when the pon farr took him. Michael overheard Amanda worrying to Sarek. Spock was half-human. He may never get the pon farr, or, if he did, it may be later in life rather than sooner.

“I was twenty-four before my first pon farr,” Sarek tried to assure his wife. “Spock may have years to find another suitable mate before that.”

“He’s half human, Sarek. He may not have that long. We need to find someone now.”

“Do you have someone in mind? After all, nearly every girl his age has already been promised. Many others would reject him for his human ancestry.”

Amanda hesitated and then swallowed. “Yes, but you probably won’t like it.”

“Speak, wife.”

“Michael.”

Michael barely resisted the urge to gasp and give herself away. She watched Sarek stare at his wife for a few long moments, his brow lifted in naked surprise.

“A most logical choice,” he finally said. “I assume you believed some sort of anti-human prejudice would cause me to reject the idea of bonding Spock with Michael?”

“No, husband. I thought you might object because she is your ward, and has been raised with Spock these past seven years.”

“It is obvious Michael has resisted allowing herself to feel familial ties with us out of a fear of losing us in the same manner in which she lost her birth parents. I doubt she has formed a sibling bond with Spock as we’d previously hoped she would.”

“She was jealous of T’Pring and Spock,” Amanda said. “She most certainly doesn’t view Spock as a brother. I say we propose it to her and allow her to decide.”

“Spock may reject her,” Sarek pointed out.

“I trust you to make a sound argument as to why this arrangement would be a good choice for him, and gently urge him to accept.”

“You would perhaps be better suited to that task. He would likely reject the proposal to spite me if I approach him.”

Amanda’s smile was sad when she reached up to cup her husband’s face. “Yes. Perhaps I had better speak to them about this myself.”

Michael hurried away to avoid being caught, but when Amanda came into the entertainment room moments later she said nothing about the bonding to her, which relieved Michael.

* * *

It wasn’t until after dinner that evening that Amanda called both Spock and Michael to the fountain in her garden. She sat across from them on a stone bench and regarded them for a few long moments before speaking.

“Spock, you are now without a betrothed. Should you enter pon farr, it could prove fatal to you not to have a bonded mate. Your father and I have carefully considered the matter and have concluded that the two of you should become bonded.”

Spock looked over at Michael with a steady gaze before turning back to his mother.

“My foster sister?”

“Yes. She is a logical choice,” Amanda said. “You know one another. You are in the same age group. She is as familiar with Vulcan custom as any Vulcan girl. She is available. Your father and I believe the two of you would make an excellent match. Consider it. We hope you will give us an answer within a month.”

She stood to leave, but just before entering the house she turned to them. “Court her. See how it feels to be something more to one another.”

The silence that followed was deeply awkward. At least for Michael. Spock simply sat beside her, his back ramrod straight like always. He kept his face placid, his hands resting in his lap, unmoving. Unlike Michael, who fidgeted with her hands. She’d been thinking about the idea of bonding with Spock, becoming engaged to him, all day, and she found she vacillated between liking the idea and fearing it. They hadn’t held a meaningful conversation since their argument by this very fountain three months ago. They were always uneasy together. How could she agree to marry him?

“Apologizing wasn’t enough,” Spock finally said. “I am truly sorry for the unkind things I said to you a few months ago. I was…I was…”

“Hurting,” Michael supplied. She was surprised when Spock didn’t deny it.

“I felt ashamed. A failure. Used by T’Pring as nothing more than a distraction until she found someone else to bond with. A full-blooded Vulcan because apparently I wasn’t good enough for her. I took my anger out on you and I was wrong to do so.”

“Apology accepted,” Michael said. “Thank you.”

He bowed his head and regarded her for a moment. “Your thoughts on their proposal?”

Michael shrugged. “I overheard them talking about it earlier but I didn’t say anything. I’ve been thinking about it all day and I still don’t know.”

“I am uncertain as well. Let us take some time and consider it carefully. It is a most important decision to make, after all.”

Michael nodded her agreement and then stood up. “I should get back to studying.”

“As should I.”

She hurried to her room, though Spock remained in the garden, staring at the splashing water in the fountain.

* * *

“Would you care to join me for midday meal?”

Michael looked away from the screens where columns of code scrolled past. She was so bored she could either fall asleep or begin to cry. It could go either way. She looked up at Spock, who stood outside her learning pit at the Vulcan Learning Center, hands behind his back, gazing at her with his usual serene expression. He usually avoided her at school. It surprised her to see him now.

“Yeah, sure. That would be nice.”

She climbed out and followed him through the halls of the school. Rather than being ultramodern like the Vulcan Science Academy, the Vulcan Learning Center was old. The oldest learning institution on the planet. It was made of all stone, tall, arching ceilings and ornate decorative carvings on the support columns. There were lavish gardens and glass covered rotundas with fountains splashing water up from underground springs for students to drink from. It was naturally cool, at least for Vulcan standards. At a constant temperature of 26°C, Michael found it tolerable. At least compared to the 51.6°C of the scorching Vulcan summer weather outside.

Two dining halls were required to accommodate all three thousand students at the Learning Center. They chose the nearest one, which was packed with half the student body. Even though they spoke in quiet, measured tones, there was still a low rumble of voices in the room. Michael had grown accustomed to it, but she still found the sheer size and scale of the place daunting.

Being the only human in the room had once drew her curious looks from the students in attendance, but they’d come to accept her presence, even if most of them didn’t want her there. Prejudice was illogical to Michael, but it didn’t stop most Vulcans from engaging in it. She could feel looks from many of the students as she passed, who still blamed her for the bombing that nearly took her life, rather than the extremists who perpetrated it.

“We have one point five humans in attendance at this noble educational facility,” a Vulcan boy said from a nearby table she and Spock waited in line to be served. “It is most unusual for them to attend lunch together.”

“Perhaps they share an emotional connection that goes beyond familial,” a girl said in reply, a mean-spirited gleam in her eye. “He does look at her rather closely, does he not?”

“The female is his father’s ward.” T’Pring, who sat at the table with Stonn beside her, smirked at Michael. “Though that did not stop her from becoming jealous of my courtship with Spock. She was quite emotional and angry at any display of intimacy between him and me.”

Stonn’s face went from cruelly amused to angry at mention of intimacy, and he turned his attention to Spock and Michael. “Perhaps Spock will mate with her and further dilute his father’s family line with inferior human blood.”

“These Vulcan children pride themselves on emotional control,” Michael said to Spock, casually placing her hands behind her back. “Yet they obviously take pleasure engaging in juvenile taunts.”

“Yes, it is quite emotional of them,” Spock answered, feigning indifference.

“I’ve seen fellow humans with more dignity, honor, and self-control than this little group,” Michael added. “I don’t even think they fully realize how very human they’re behavior is.”

Spock nodded his agreement. “A fascinating example of a lack of self-awareness, to be sure.”

The group of students looked at them with stony faces that did nothing to conceal their hatred and malice. Spock regarded them with cool indifference, while Michael smiled at them.

“I say, it looks as though they wish to retaliate with a physical attack,” Michael said.

“That would be quite an emotional reaction indeed,” Spock agreed. “Though no less so than what they display on a daily basis with their infantile taunts.”

The line had moved on. Spock and Michael walked away, going to get their trays as their tormentors glared at them, remaining still as statues at their seats. Michael indulged in a light giggle, and saw Spock was dangerously close to smiling.

“That was rather cathartic,” Spock said. “Much more satisfying than simply ignoring them.”

“It won’t stop them, though. It’ll probably only make it worse.”

They took their trays to a bench and sat down across from one another. Spock regarded Michael as he cut his vegetables into smaller pieces.

“Was T’Pring lying about you being jealous of my courtship with her?”

“She misrepresented,” Michael tried, but her furtive glances at Spock’s face to read his reactions gave her away as the liar, not T’Pring.

“Shall I court you, as Mother suggested? It would be logical to do so, in order to help us come to a decision about the bonding.”

“What will they say if we decide to do it?” Michael asked, nodding in T’Pring and Stonn’s general direction.

“I neither know nor care.”

Michael smiled and looked down at her plate. “Yeah, okay.”

They began to eat in silence, but a moment later she felt Spock’s foot come to rest alongside hers under the table. She made no effort to move away.

* * *

Vulcan courting was a lot duller than Michael expected. She and Spock put matching courtship rings on the middle fingers of their left hands to identify them as a matched couple. The same ring T’Pring had returned to Amanda, per Vulcan custom, after having her bond to Spock dissolved. It felt strange on her hand, and she often found herself looking at it before going to bed at night.

Spock walked Michael to her learning pit, picked her up for lunch, and walked her back after. Then he accompanied her to their shuttle to pilot them home. He occasionally brought her flowers or asked her to accompany him on a walk by the river that ran past their house. They’d even gone on a picnic that constituted a date, but he didn’t try at any sort of intimacy with her as he had with T’Pring. Of course, they were taunted by T’Pring and her group, though having been labeled by Spock and Michael as juvenile and emotional, the taunting was far less stringent than before.

Michael was beginning to think that dating a Vulcan was about as exciting as watching water boil when Spock led her to a tree on the grassy shore beside the river. They sat down but he placed himself in front of her this time, rather than beside of her.

“There is something we have not done as a courting couple,” he said, swallowing nervously. “I have been at a loss as to how I should broach the subject.”

“You know me well enough to know you can just spit it out,” Michael said, wondering what he was talking about.

“Intimacy,” he finally said, somehow managing to stumble over a single word.

“Oh. Right. I saw you and T’Pring once. What do I do?”

“Mother says it is possible to share it with a human. She shared it with Father on their courtship. Though she could only receive from him. She has no telepathic ability to send sensation.”

He held up his left hand, the one with the ring, closed except for his index and middle finger were extended. Michael did likewise, and then waited. Spock swallowed nervously again and then gently touched his fingertips to hers.

“Close your eyes,” he said. “Accept me.”

At first, she didn’t notice anything. Then she felt it. Something like a touch on the nape of her neck. A gentle caress. Her instinct to recoil made her jump in surprise. It had felt so real she opened her eyes to see if Spock had physically touched her, but he hadn’t.

“Apologies—”

“No, it’s okay,” she said, her words coming out in a rush. “I didn’t know what to expect. Sorry. Let’s try again.”

They closed their eyes. Again, she felt the sensation of touch. A hand at the nape of her neck, pulling her forward. She couldn’t see anything behind her eyelids but the orange glow of the sunset beyond the mountains, but she could feel well enough. Two hands, on her shoulders, moving down her arms to her waist. He stroked her body, her arms, her back, sent her the sensation of stroking a thumb across her cheek, then across her bottom lip.

At first it was strange, feeling something like this with Spock, but then she moved past that. Enjoyed it. Took pleasure in it. She felt her body respond, felt her pulse pick up, felt her breath quicken when the sensation of touch suddenly ceased but was replaced with a feeling of desire and pleasure so intense, she moaned. Heat pooled low in her belly, as did a dull ache inside that kept intensifying as Spock’s own desire for her grew, until she pulled away from him, overwhelmed.

“Spock!”

Michael fell back against the tree, its rough bark scratching exposed skin that was revealed by the backless top she wore. He opened his eyes. They were normally a dark shade of brown, but now they were black, pupils fully dilated, and his face flushed a light shade of green. His breath came quick, and she could feel his disappointment even though they no longer touched.

“Did I hurt you? Offend you?”

Offense was the last thing she’d taken in that moment. She shook her head. “No. I was just overwhelmed. It’s not your fault. I’m new to this.”

He nodded and rested his hand on his lap. “I wanted to please you.”

“I want to please you, too.”

“You cannot,” he said. “You lack the ability to send me—”

He suddenly stopped speaking when she leaned forward and pressed her lips to his.

“I can’t send the way you do, without a deep bond,” she said, leaning back far enough to speak, “but I can touch you.”

Spock’s eyes were wide when she reached out to run her hands over his chest and up to his shoulders. She slipped one hand around to cup the nape of his neck while the other she trailed lazily down one of his arms.

“Have you ever done it like this?”

Spock shook his head. “No.”

“Do you like it?”

“Oh yes.”

He didn’t resist when she pulled him close. His lips were already parted, making it easy for her to slip her tongue into his mouth. He took to kissing naturally. They enjoyed a long slow kiss at first, but his desire for her was something she could feel like it was her own, only outside of herself. Had they already formed a bond of some kind? How far could they take it?

He moaned into her mouth. It aroused her deep to her core. When he began to push against her, she began to move back, hoping he intended to climb atop her.

“Pardon me.”

Spock and Michael fell back, away from one another, at the sound of Sarek’s voice. He stood a few yards away, hands clasped behind his back, one eyebrow cocked.

“Father,” Spock said, getting to his feet. He pulled his tunic down but it didn’t quite hide the bulge in his trousers. Sarek averted his eyes while Michael flushed, both in her face and elsewhere.

“Darkness will fall soon. Let us return home.”

He turned his back on them. Spock offered his arm and Michael looped hers through it to follow.

“That was much more enjoyable than the Vulcan way,” Spock said.

Michael looked down. “Obviously.”

For the first time since he was ten, Spock allowed her to see him smile.

* * *

Dawn had barely begun to brighten the sky when Spock and Michael prepared to board their shuttle to head out to school. She had gotten a full eight hours of sleep, but it had been restless, filled with erotic images and sensations that she was sure were actually from Spock’s dreams. She’d gone through a night of feeling him atop her, under her, inside her. His tongue had plundered her mouth, as well as between her thighs, and she’d done the same to him.

“Mother?”

“Yes, dear?”

Amanda loaded their breakfast dishes into the recycler and waited for Michael to speak.

“Did Father tell you what he caught Spock and me doing last night?”

“He did,” she said, smiling at her.

“Is it possible to bond with a Vulcan from just kissing?”

Amanda loaded the last bowl and shut the door before turning to Michael. “I’ve never heard of a true bonding happening from merely kissing, but it’s possible he’s made a…lasting impression on you. Sarek did with me when we courted.”

“I don’t wish to offend but my dreams last night were…they were—”

“Vividly amorous? Yes, I know. That can happen after Intimacy has been initiated. Does it upset you?”

Michael shook her head. “No, but it’s a little overwhelming.”

“In a bad way?”

Michael felt her face flush. “No.”

“Most of that comes from Spock. He’s a vigorous, virile young man with telepathic ability. He doesn’t mean to overshare with you, but perhaps you could ask him to control it a bit?”

Michael nodded and kissed her mother goodbye.

Spock waited for her by the door and offered his arm. They boarded the shuttle and he programmed the route and set autopilot rather than driving himself. He turned to Michael with an open expression, making no effort to hide his feelings from her.

“Our dreams last night,” he said. “They were quite intense.”

“Yes. Mother said I should ask you to exert more control so as not to overwhelm me.”

He looked at the floor, his exuberance now dampened. “I see.”

“I don’t want you to.”

Their eyes met, the landscape blurring past below them. She wasn’t sure who moved first, but he reached for her and she took his hand, letting him pull her onto his lap. He was hard when she settled over him. A moment later he gripped her by the back of her neck and pulled her down into a searing kiss that was much more passionate and pleasurable than anything she’d experienced the night before. She began to move her hips, grinding against him on instinct.

“Computer, parking mode,” Spock gasped against her lips. The shuttle came to a stop and hovered over the empty desert below.

She felt his shaking hands work their way under her skirt to pull at her panties. They tore under his powerful grip like tissue paper. A moment later she felt him lift up as he pulled his trousers down.

“Michael, tell me to stop.”

She responded by pushing her tongue into his mouth. She’d never been so aroused in her life, so wet, suffering such a powerful ache of raw need in her center. She reached for him with clumsy, trembling hands, found his hardness completely unyielding to her grip, like stone. She felt his moan as much as she heard it. His hands moved under her bottom to lift her up as she lined him up with her entrance.

A moment later she lowered herself onto him, feeling a slight sharp pain before he stretched her out in ways she’d never imagined could happen. A long, low moan escaped her as she took him in, slowly, inch by inch forcing her body open as she settled down on him. It was both pleasurable and painful, that feeling of fullness.

Spock’s breath was hot on her neck, like the summer wind outside the shuttle, but his deep voice moaning against her neck sent shivers through her body.

“Michael…”

His voice was nearly as full of pain as the feeling of him stretching her open. She began to rock her hips ever so slightly, feeling him move inside, brushing against something inside her that sent the most pleasurable sensation through her body, though it was still tinged with the slightest pain until she felt one of Spock’s fingers come to rub at her clit, overpowering the pain with pleasure, loosening her body even as it threatened to tighten in resistance.

“Spock, yes…”

She rocked again and began to move in a steady rhythm that soon had the tension inside her uncoiling in a rush of pleasure as she felt her muscles began to contract around him. He panted against her, his breath heating her sweat-slicked neck and chest as he felt her orgasm. A moment later he stiffened, his cock pulsing inside her as he whimpered against her neck.

The whole encounter hadn’t taken long but neither of them were ashamed at their lack of stamina. They were lost in the moment, in each other, her forehead resting against his as they let their rapid pulses slow, and their quickened breath ease to normal. His lips found hers in a soft kiss.

Michael pulled back and enjoyed the feel of Spock planting soft kisses on her cheeks, forehead, even the tip of her nose. She caressed his face, their eyes locked together.

“Wow,” Spock breathed.

Michael burst into laughter, letting her head fall back for a moment, giving into the joy of it.

“That’s a very human thing to say!”

“Completely appropriate given the moment,” Spock said, smiling up at her.

“Your smile is the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen.”

He bit his lower lip and gazed at her with naked emotion, love chief among them. “We should get to school.”

“Let’s play hooky. Skip school.”

She expected him no object, not ask, “What did you have in mind?”

Before she could respond, the shuttle rocked so hard Spock barely managed to keep Michael from spilling to the floor. The light outside their shuttle was so bright the automatic tinting kicked in to protect their eyesight.

They were caught in a tractor beam.


	2. The Things We Say

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which things don't go so well in the aftermath.

Spock and Michael sat in the corridor at the constabulary with back’s stiff and eyes wide with anxiety.

Michael was keenly aware of her lack of panties, as well as Spock’s ejaculate cold and sticky on her thighs. She’d asked to go to the restroom, and had tried to clean up in there, but more of it kept seeping out of her and trying to drain down her leg. How much of it was there? Was this an unusual amount?

Could she get pregnant?

She wasn’t on any form of contraception and she wasn’t certain if Spock being half human made it more likely she could conceive with him, without medical intervention, as it had been required for her foster parents to conceive him. She was just about to work herself into a panic when Sarek and Amanda entered. To Michael’s surprise, Sarek looked a lot less upset with them than Amanda.

“What were you two thinking?” Amanda demanded, as she approached. Sarek stood at the desk, quietly speaking with an officer. “Why would you illegally park in a traffic lane leading to our property when you know we have such high security?”

“We didn’t…uh…”

“We had an important matter to discuss,” Spock said.

“What was it that was so important you’d do something so reckless? Do you know what an embarrassment it would be for your father if word of this got out?”

“It’s just a parking infraction,” Michael said, trying to calm Amanda down. But she was staring at Michael now, her eyes roaming over her.

Did losing your virginity leave visible, physical changes? Michael suddenly wondered. Could Amanda tell just by looking at her?

“You have something on your thigh,” Amanda noted.

Michael looked down and sure enough, just above her knee was blood and semen, mixed. It had run down her leg far enough to be visible when she sat down. Michael tried to close her legs even more, her face turning bright red with embarrassment.

“My God…” Amanda said, realization hitting her.

Sarek stood beside her now, looking at her leg, before he took a subtle, yet visible, sniff of the air. His brows raised as he looked back and forth between her and Spock.

“I see,” was all he said.

Amanda could see it, and now her foster father had literally sniffed her out. Michael sank lower in her chair, feeling exposed and mortified.

“You two won’t be attending school today,” Amanda said stiffly. “You’ve missed half of the day anyway and you need to change, it would seem, Michael.”

She stood up, feeling naked and exposed, humiliated, and followed after Sarek and Amanda, with Spock beside her. She was grateful when he slipped his hand into hers. She could feel him then, in her mind, as embarrassed as she was, but also slightly angry with himself. She squeezed his hand and knew she’d comforted him.

The ride home was in complete silence, with Spock’s shuttle in tow. They sat in the passenger compartment in back while Sarek and Amanda sat at the controls in front, their backs stiff, not saying anything, not even to one another. Were they communicating telepathically through their bond? Michael wondered. If she could sense Spock’s emotions so keenly without a bond, then surely they, bonded for nearly two decades, could certainly communicate with thought alone. What kind of punishments were they planning?

Would they split her and Spock up? Would they force them to separate because they’d had sex?

“So, are we in some sort of trouble?”

“You bet you are,” Amanda said, angrier than Michael had ever heard her, though she faced forward without looking back at her.

“It is my fault, not Michael’s,” Spock tried. “I am the one—”

“Unless you’re confessing to raping her then the two of you are equally at fault,” said Amanda, finally looking back to glare at them.

“I would never!” Spock said, openly shocked.

“Then stop trying to take all the blame. Sit back and be quiet, both of you. Not another word.”

They sat back in their seats and watched the bare landscape below blur past as their shuttle hurtled toward home. They slowed only long enough to input their security codes so their forcefield would lower and allow them entrance. Soon after, they were home.

* * *

Michael spent the afternoon sequestered in her room, coming down when summoned for dinner. They ate in silence, Michael scooping vegetable soup from her bowl and casting lingering glances at her foster parents. Spock made no attempts to look up from his food. If he wasn’t digging in his bowl, he was tearing off bites of flatbread and dipping it. But she could sense his discomfit all the same.

Finally, after dinner, Sarek and Amanda called them to the sitting room.

“Sarek and I have spoken to a physician,” Amanda started, but Michael looked up, angry now.

“You told someone?”

“Do not interrupt me, young lady!” Amanda snapped. “We needed to ask if the risk of pregnancy is a valid concern. Because Spock is half human, she believes it is. You will visit Dr. T’Lin tomorrow morning to make certain you don’t conceive. You will also begin contraceptives. As for your courtship, we’re separating you for a bit.”

“That is unnecessary,” Spock said. “What is done is done.”

“You won’t be _doing it_ again, either,” Amanda shot back, her face flushed.

“Why are you so upset?” Spock asked. “It is only copulation.”

“The source of our displeasure arises more from your youth and the irresponsible manner in which you partook in your coupling,” Sarek said, much more calmly than his wife, though he didn’t seem to disapprove of her ire. “You are both very young, and we feel you’re moving too quickly.”

“Or, as we humans like to say, you’re doing too much, too fast, and you’re not ready.”

“I felt ready,” Michael said. “So does Spock. Perhaps it’s you who isn’t ready for us to fall in love.”

“Falling in love is perfectly fine. Bonding is fine, but you’re still so young,” Amanda said, her voice softening for the first time. “Look how careless the two of you were. You parked illegally, were towed in, and you could’ve conceived before you’re ready to be parents. You don’t want to have to make such an important decision on whether or not to keep an unplanned pregnancy to term, not so young. Believe me on that matter.”

Michael frowned at Amanda, wondering if her foster mother spoke from personal experience. She decided not to question. It was none of her business. But her caretakers were right on one accord: they had been irresponsible about it. She also feared she could’ve conceived, and she most definitely wasn’t ready for that.

“We did not intend to cause you embarrassment, Father,” Spock said.

“Indeed, you did not,” he agreed. “Yet intentions and consequences do not always align, do they, my son?”

Spock shook his head.

“Considering your youth, if word gets out, I doubt it will cause too much of a stir,” Sarek said. “However, you will both be punished for your actions regarding the infraction. Your shuttle privileges will be revoked for one month.”

“I will personally drop you off and pick you up from school in that time,” Amanda said.

“Arrangements will be made to finalize your bonding,” Sarek said. “That is, if you wish to bond. Have you made a decision?”

“I wish to bond with her,” Spock readily said.

Michael flushed once again when she hesitated. She wanted to agree to it on the spot, but with everything that had happened, she had yet to process it all. She had yet to know her mind on the matter. Spock’s face fell. She felt him pull away from her, and shut her out.

“I need more time to be sure,” she said, reaching for him.

Spock evaded her touch by standing up. “If you are uncertain after what happened between us this morning then perhaps we should not plan for it at all.”

“Spock, wait.”

“You should discuss this in private,” Sarek advised.

“That won’t be necessary. There will be no bonding,” Spock said, and started for his room.

“Spock, please,” Michael said, hurrying after him.

He tried to shut the door to his room on her but she put her hand in. He only stopped to avoid hurting her. She pushed her way in but he kept his back to her. It didn’t stop her from seeing the tears threatening to well up and spill from his eyes.

“I haven’t even had time to think about this morning,” she said. “It wouldn’t be wise to rush into a decision that’s so important.”

“You could share your body with me and not know if you wish to be my bonded? Someday my wife?”

“There’s no rule that says you have to marry the first person you sleep with.”

“We did not sleep, Michael!” Spock said, turning to her. “I thought we shared something special with one another. I thought we made love.”

“We did! But Sarek and Amanda are right about one thing. We’re so young, Spock.”

“And yet I am certain I love you.”

She stopped, still, taken by surprise at his confession.

“I thought you loved me as well.”

“I do love you.”

“As your brother, not a future husband. Please, just leave. You are not the only one who needs time to ‘process’ what has happened today.”

There would be no getting through to him. Not now. Though he remained stiff, and nearly out of her reach since he’d had a growth spurt that shot him up a few inches taller than her, Michael stood on tiptoe and kissed his lips. He did not respond with anything more than a slight give of his lips against hers. She left the room and went to shower before curling up in bed. She should’ve just agreed to the bonding. She did love him, after all.

Thoughts of what happened kept her from sleep for nearly an hour. Spock was still distant, not sharing his dreams with her. Feelings of nameless guilt haunted her. Embarrassment that her foster parents knew what happened. Regret at hurting Spock. She awoke too early, her mind and body exhausted, and began to twirl the ring on her finger. Rather than trying to get back to sleep she prepared for the day. After she showered and dressed she came out and knocked on Spock's door. He didn't answer, so she cracked the door open and peeped inside. 

“Spock?”

He stood at his window, dressed only in a pair of snug fitting boxer briefs. She looked at body, muscled but still thin and lanky with youth. She remembered that body beneath her, inside her, and she wanted him again.

He didn’t turn to her to speak.

“I presume you wish to return your ring?”

“No.”

She touched his back, feeling muscles knotted near his shoulders.

“I don’t want to cause you pain or distress,” she said, rubbing his back, grateful he didn’t push her away.

Michael brought her hands lower, and reached around to caress his belly. He took in a deep breath. She expected rejection but didn’t receive it.

“Michael, what are you…”

He was hardening at her touch. She saw it in the reflection of the window. Without overthinking it she dipped a hand into his underwear and gripped him. Spock took a sharp breath in before placing his hands on the glass.

“Michael…”

She stroked him with unpracticed hands, but he seemed to appreciate it nonetheless. He leaned forward, his breath coming in quick as she pushed his underwear down. She used one hand to cup and squeeze his balls, the other to stroke his hardened length. His breath grew ragged as she picked up speed and tightened her grip. His breaths morphed into low moans as she worked, occasionally kissing his back, or laying her face against him, wanting to be close with him. When his hips jerked forward she watched in fascination as he climaxed, his cum coating the window and running down to the sill. A strangled sound caught in his throat as he released.

“Can we talk?” she asked.

Spock turned to her, pulling up his underwear. She didn’t expect such a cool look in his eyes.

“Do you really think it is acceptable for you to come into my room, uninvited?” he asked. “Do you believe that what just happened changes anything? Do you operate under the delusion that you, and you alone, will make decisions regarding our relationship, our future, and when and how we will be intimate?”

“Of course not.”

“Then why did you do this?”

She opened her mouth to answer, only to find she was embarrassed by the truth. “It felt right.”

“You were mistaken.”

“Then why did you let it happen?” she snapped.

“Because it felt good. I have no intentions of reciprocating. Now get out.”

He may as well have stabbed her in the chest for all the pain it caused. Michael stepped back. It was like the first time he’d met her, slamming the door in her face. She felt dirty, used, and for the first time she felt as though yesterday morning had been a mistake.

Michael slipped the ring from her middle finger and threw it at him. “I should never have expected any sort of understanding or tenderness from you. No sympathy. I should never have shared my body with you.”

The ring bounced off his chest. He made no attempt to retrieve it. Before he could say something scathing, to hurt her even more, Michael ran from the room, tears streaming down her face. She wasn’t sure if the regret and pain she felt was hers alone, or hers mingled with Spock’s, and in that moment, she didn’t care. She just wanted away from him.

How could he be so cruel? So cold?

Despite what off-worlders thought of Vulcans, Michael knew they were deeply emotional people, including Spock. Especially Spock. He was as good as most Vulcans, if not superior, to controlling his outward appearance, but she knew his feelings ran deep. She’d experienced them when they’d been intimate. There was no way he could have faked what they shared together. He’d been so hard, so eager to be inside both her mouth and her body. He’d rocked her against him, his hands gripping her ass so hard she was surprised he didn’t leave bruises behind. And she’d enjoyed it as much as he had. She’d thought they’d connected.

Apparently she’d been mistaken.

Michael spent hours in the garden. Like most human children, they received two days off in a standard week for recreation. Today was free, and Michael spent it avoiding Spock, Amanda, and Sarek for as long as possible until Amanda took her to Dr. T’Lin. For the first time since arriving she wished she could leave. She wished she could just disappear, leave them and their anger behind, and never look back.

“I’ve never been more aware that I’m not really in your family than I am now.”

Michael could sense Amanda behind her. The woman who’d loved and cared for her as a mother sat beside her.

“What happened?”

“I can’t tell you.”

“You slept together again?”

Michael sighed. “No.”

“Then what happened?”

“I just need time to decide if I want to bond. Why is that such a sin?”

Amanda wrapped an arm around Michael. She didn’t want to admit it felt good to be embraced. To feel as though at least someone in that family might actually care, and didn’t reject her, or judge her.

“Spock feels as though you’re rejecting him. His behavior now is a shield against emotional harm. He’s afraid of hurting even worse than he does now. He loves quickly, and deeply, like most young people do. I understand your hesitation. So does Sarek. Spock will too, in time.”

“He’s cruel.”

“Yes,” Amanda agreed, surprising Michael. “Because he sees your need for time as an act of cruelty, rejection, he’s trying to repay in kind. It isn’t right, but that’s his reasoning.”

“Well, he has. Let’s go to the doctor, please. I just want to get this over with and forget anything ever happened.”

It wasn’t until they stood to leave that Michael sawvSpock on the balcony overlooking the garden. With his superior hearing he’d undoubtedly overheard everything they’d said. His eyes were still cold when he gazed upon her. She turned her face from him and left with Amanda for the doctor.

* * *

The trip to the doctor went well. Michael was given a hypospray to ensure conception couldn’t take place and was then given another injection that would have to be repeated once a year. Though there was no judgment in T’Lin’s eyes when she treated Michael, she still felt embarrassed.

Once they were back in the shuttle, Amanda surprised Michael by heading into the city rather than heading home.

“Where are we going?”

“You’ll see.”

She piloted to a parking area before leading Michael into the open marketplace. The air was teeming with the low rumble of calm voices, though occasionally, the sound of an off-worlder laughing raucously would disturb the peace. Several times there were children too young to control their emotions, crying when denied something they wanted, or screeching with laughter. Amanda smiled at a baby that giggled at her, and reached for her with adorably pudgy hands.

“I say you and I shop for a new dress,” Amanda said. “Something human.”

“Human?”

“We are women in love with Vulcan men, and we try to fit in with Vulcan culture, but we are not Vulcan. There is nothing wrong with celebrating our humanity. We can ‘let our hair down’ and laugh on occasion. We can be who we were born to be.”

In love, Michael thought. Amanda wasn’t a woman to use her words carelessly. She undoubtedly thought Michael was in love with Spock. Maybe she was, maybe she wasn’t. She sure as hell didn’t feel particularly warm to him right now. Maybe she never would again, love be damned.

Michael had never been to this part of town before. It was newer, more modern, with a greater diversity of species. There were even a few Andorians shopping, though they looked miserable in the heat, having been born to arctic cold weather from their snowy, frigid home world. Mostly the crowd was human, though there were also a few Xindi shopping as well.

The shop Amanda entered was named Earthly Elegance. Dresses lined the shop windows, and Michael had forgotten how different humans dressed from Vulcans. She occasionally wore a dress much shorter than was customary for Vulcan women, but today she was clad in traditional Vulcan robes designed for humans to protect skin from the harsh sun, and to regulate her body temperature so that she didn’t suffer heat stroke.

The colors were what really reminded Michael of home. Bright yellows, stunning reds, rich oranges, serene shades of green, and cool blues. One blue dress caught her eye that made her think of the earth’s oceans. It was long and flowing, delicate, and wrapped around her body like gauze. She found a yellow pant suit reminded her of the flowers from her mother’s carefully tended hibiscus tree, which now struggled to survive in Amanda’s garden. It was snug, and short, and shimmered in the bright lights of the shop. There was also a backless crimson dress designed to hug the figure and show lots of leg. It came with a gold belt that gleamed like polished gold, and matching armlets.

They spent hours in the shop. Michael tried on all three and was surprised when Amanda purchased them all. They chose shoes to compliment their outfits, as well as some jewelry to work as accessories. Amanda contented herself with a gown of green and blue swirls that hugged her curvaceous figure.

“I think Sarek will quite enjoy this when we go out to dinner tomorrow night,” Amanda said, looking at her reflection in the mirror.

“You’re going out?”

“That isn’t so unusual, is it?”

“Spock and I…”

“You won’t kill each other, I hope. I’d hate to have to bury my children.”

Michael snorted as they headed out with their purchases in several shopping bags that weighed them down.

“Oh, we must stop here.”

Michael followed Amanda to a restaurant where she could smell meat roasting. She hadn’t eaten meat in months, and then it had only been a few bites. Now they sat down and ordered cheeseburgers with a side of fries. Michael got a strawberry milkshake, and Amanda enjoyed one flavored with pineapple.

“Delicious, isn’t it?” Amanda asked.

“I haven’t had a burger in years,” Michael said. “Not since I came to live here.”

“Now you know about this place, there’s no reason you can’t enjoy one when you get the craving.”

“Spock hurt me this morning, with the things he said,” Michael said, halfway through her burger. She was too full to finish. “He thinks I’m trying to dictate everything. I didn’t realize it looked like I was.”

“Is there any truth to what he said?”

Michael shrugged. “I pushed, I admit, but I know Spock. If I don’t he’ll just let things fester and never try to work it out.”

“He will,” Amanda agreed. “So don’t let him. Keep pushing, but only when you’re ready. You don’t have to hurry to make a decision about bonding, Michael. I didn’t agree right away when Sarek proposed.”

“You didn’t?”

“God no. I was eighteen when we started courting, and nineteen when he proposed. I wasn’t ready. I was still a girl.”

“When did you accept?”

“When I was twenty-two. I was sure he was the man for me. In fact, I broke up with him to date other people. He was my first but I wasn’t sure I wanted him to be my last.”

Michael realized her mouth was hanging open and closed it. So, Amanda had experienced the same doubts she did. Suddenly she didn’t feel so much like a selfish bitch.

“How did Sarek respond?”

“Much better than Spock is,” Amanda said, laughing. “Then again, he was a sixty-five year old widower with a son older than me, whereas Spock is a fifteen year old boy. Sarek wasn’t happy about it, don’t get me wrong, but he had enough wisdom to know I needed to be sure. There would be nothing worse than getting married, feeling regret because I realized I’d made a mistake, and then divorcing. You feeling better about all this?”

Michael smiled and nodded. “Yes I do…Mom.”

Amanda’s smile was bright when she leaned over and kissed Michael on the cheek.

“I wasn’t really angry that you and Spock slept together. I was afraid of what could’ve happened, and it manifested as anger. I think you two are a good match, and I hope you bond someday, but if you don’t, my love for you will not lessen. Neither will Sarek’s.”

Michael put her leftovers in a box and followed Amanda from the restaurant, feeling much lighter in heart than when she’d left Spock’s room that morning.


	3. Likewise

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Michael makes a new friend.

A month passed with Spock refusing to do more than speak when necessary. He stopped escorting her to lunch, or even sitting with her. She came out of her learning pit to make her way to lunch when she saw Spock chatting with a Vulcan girl. They were in deep conversation, unaware of her presence, so it was fairly easy for her to pause behind a stone pillar and eavesdrop.

It didn’t take long before she wished she had kept going.

“Your grasp of interphasic scanner technology is quite impressive, L’Nal,” Spock said. “Would you be agreeable to coming over this evening for further discussion?”

“I would not,” L’Nal answered. “I would, however, visit for further discussion on other topics. I find your company quite agreeable.”

“And I find your intellect quite…stimulating.”

Michael’s stomach clenched with shock and disappointment. They were flirting with one another. Not only had Spock practically ignored her for the past month, despite her efforts to engage him in conversation, and to see the matter from her perspective, but now he was flirting with someone and making a date with her. He was going to bring her home to flaunt L’Nal in her face?

Something inside Michael cooled in that moment. The shock passed. The anger passed. Perhaps she was going numb. Or maybe Spock had pushed her too far. If he had such little regard for her, for how seeing him with another girl would make her feel, especially considering how hard she’s tried to make peace, then to hell with him. She wouldn’t bother to attempt reconciliation.

Spock and L’Nal moved on, walking very close together, heading for her usual cafeteria. Michael went to the other. She wouldn’t sit and watch them together or let him attempt to rub her nose in the fact that he’d moved on and didn’t give a damn how she felt.

She was done apologizing. Yet, at that moment, she was painfully aware of how alone she was. She had no girlfriends to talk to or comfort her. All she really had was Spock, and he only wanted to hurt her.

Spock was indifferent when Michael entered their shuttle. He operated the controls and set the shuttle to autopilot. Before he could execute his commands, Michael stayed his hand.

“So, you’re inviting L’Nal over?”

“Eavesdropping?”

“Trying to make me jealous?”

“Not at all. If you’re jealous that is a problem for you to solve. It is none of my concern.”

“You’re such an immature child. You’re no better than T’Pring and her gang.”

His eyes widened. Michael stood up.

“You’re every bit as cold and callous as them. Enjoy your date!”

She opened the shuttle doors and jumped out.

“Michael. Where are you going?”

Michael continued without answering. She was relieved he didn’t pursue her, and she didn’t bother looking back to see if he watched her walk away or not.

The market was a bit more subdued than it had been when she’d come in with Amanda. There were fewer young people milling about, fewer off-worlders making noise. She perused a stall offering cloth from various worlds and in many different colors. She found a stall that sold fruits and vegetables from Earth and bought a basket of flawless apples a rich crimson in color. She also bought a vinake plant. It was native to Risa and did well in many different climates. Its big pink flowers would look beautiful in their garden.

After spending over an hour shopping, Michael took her purchases and stopped at the restaurant and ordered a banana split rather than a milkshake. She only got one bite of the decadent treat when a young man came to stand at her table.

“I’m so sorry,” he said. “The other tables are all full. May I sit with you?”

“Sure.”

He was human with blue eyes and a friendly smile. Handsome. Time on Vulcan had tanned his skin and bleached his blond hair nearly platinum. His teeth were white and straight, and he smelled of fresh air when he sat down with a tray bearing a chicken sandwich and fries.

“Not the healthiest meal,” he said. “But I’ve had my fill of salads. You worried about spoiling your appetite for dinner?”

She looked at her banana split and shook her head. “I’m not old enough to drink so I’m settling for this.”

He raised his brows. “Ouch. Bad day, huh?”

“Bad month, really.”

“I’m Alexander Simmons. Nice to meet you.”

“Michael Burnham. Likewise.”

She shook the hand he offered before they fell into a comfortable silence. Michael tried to figure him out, about how old he was and what he could be doing on Vulcan, but there was nothing special about his clothing, no obvious clues to whether or not he was in the academy, or if he had a profession.

“You always stare this hard when you meet someone?” He asked, his smile as flirty as the wink her gave her. “Is it curiosity or my dashing good looks that has you so captivated?”

Michael snorted and shook her head. “Confident, aren’t you?”

“Not really. I’m just hoping that I come off that way. If you have questions, ask.”

“How old are you? What brings you to Vulcan?”

“I’m nineteen, and I’m here with my father. He’s an ambassador with the UFP Diplomatic Corps.

“My foster father is a diplomat. Sarek of Vulcan.”

“I knew your name sounded familiar!” he said, smiling at her. “I’ve read up on all the Vulcan ambassadors and their families. I hope to join the Corps someday myself.”

“You’re in Starfleet?”

He shook his head no as he chewed a bite of his sandwich. “Not yet. I’m taking a year off to travel. Vulcan is my last destination before returning to Earth to join the Academy. I plan to be here for the next three months.”

“Well, I think you’ll like it here. There’s a lot of culture and ancient ruins to explore.”

“You do a lot of exploring?”

“Not as much as I’d like,” Michael confessed. “I’m usually too busy with my studies.”

“You’re the first human to attend the Vulcan Learning Center,” he said. “That must be a challenge, dealing with uh…well, let’s call it what it is: anti-human prejudice. The story of the bombing at the Learning Center is galactic.”

Michael felt her face flush. It was unusual to be around someone so open, so ready to smile. She would give anything to have a human friend. His communicator beeped and he answered.

“Sorry,” he said. “My dad wants me to come home. Have you been to the B’Saal temple?”

“No. That’s on the other side of the planet. My family isn’t big on vacations or long-distance trips.”

“I’m heading there next weekend if you’d like to join me,” he said. “I mean, if your parents would let you.”

“I doubt they will,” Michael said. “I mean, they’ve never met you so…”

“We can solve that problem. I could come to your place and pick you up for dinner tomorrow night. I could meet them then.”

“Or you could just come over for dinner a couple of days from now. I think they’d be more comfortable with that.”

“I would like that, Miss Burnham.”

“Call me Michael.”

“Call me Alex.”

She gave him their address and her comm code, and then returned to her desert. It was a soupy mess that she only took a few more bites of before trashing it. Was this a date? Or did he only wish to be friendly with her? She wasn’t sure, but she was excited nonetheless. Maybe she’d meet that human friend she so desperately craved.

* * *

Michael was in the kitchen telling Amanda about Alex when Spock came downstairs to answer the door. L’Nal entered and Spock showed her to the garden.

“You okay?” Amanda asked, as Spock led her through the house.

“Why wouldn’t I be?”

Her foster mother cocked her head to the side in a ‘really?’ gesture.

“I overheard him inviting her over today,” she said. “I was upset at first but then I thought that if he doesn’t care about my feelings, if he’s going to ignore my attempts to reconcile then screw him. No offense.”

“None taken, and good for you. I’d hoped my son would be better than this, but I suppose he’s not above the need for petty revenge.”

“Or maybe he’s decided he doesn’t want to be anything more than a friend to me. I think he regrets what happened. I think I should let it all go. If this is how he wants it then so be it.”

“That’s quite mature of you, Michael. I’m proud of you.”

Spock entered the kitchen and made a pot of tea, speaking a polite acknowledgement to Amanda and ignoring Michael. Her lack of offense was genuine. She was too excited for Alex to come over. As soon as he left for his date, or whatever it was, with L’Nal, Michael asked Amanda if she would help her with her hair and makeup the next evening.

“Who is this boy you speak of?” Sarek said, entering the kitchen. “I must know his full name and planet of origin.”

“Why, so you can do a background check?” Michael said, exasperated.

Sarek cocked an eyebrow. “Of course. I would be remiss to allow you to spend time in the company of a stranger without thoroughly vetting him.”

Michael rolled her eyes. “You didn’t do that to Spock and L’Nal!”

“I am very well acquainted with L’Nal’s family. I went to school with her grandmother.”

“Don’t look at me,” Amanda said, putting up her hands. “I’m as powerless to talk him out of it as you are. Also, I agree with him.”

“Alexander Simmons. His father is in the United Federation of Planets Diplomatic Corps.”

“I am familiar with that name. The likelihood of my approval for courtship is greatly improved, though not promised.”

He left Michael standing in the kitchen, annoyed and rolling her eyes again.

“Spock said you walked out on him and wouldn’t tell him where you were going,” Amanda said. “I was concerned when you didn’t come home with him.”

“I just went to the market, Mother. I’m seventeen. I need some freedom.”

“I will continue to worry about your safety regardless of how old you get.”

Michael accepted a kiss on the forehead before hurrying up to her room to study. She cast one glance at Spock and L’Nal in the garden, sitting very close together, gazing into one another’s eyes, silent, as they sipped tea. She wished the twinge of jealousy she felt wasn’t there, but it was, and denying it wouldn’t make it go away. She turned from them and continued up the staircase, unaware of Spock’s eyes turning to gauge her reaction.

* * *

School seemed to take an eternity, and Michael was quite glad she had two days free after they were released for the day. She didn’t even notice Spock and L’Nal walking together to the cafeteria and didn’t pay them any attention when they sat at a table across from her at lunch. When she wasn’t vid-chatting with Alex, she was absorbed in scrolling through hairstyles and accessories that would match the yellow pantsuit she intended to wear that evening when Alex came over for dinner. As soon as she was finished eating she dumped her tray and hurried back to her learning pit, desperate for the school day to end.

“Do you intend to wander off again today?” Spock said. He was standing outside her pit when she climbed out.

“No. I’ve got everything I need at home.”

“Need? You have been quite preoccupied since you came home from the market yesterday.”

“So?”

Spock shrugged. “I was merely curious as to what you are so excited about. Who are you vid-chatting with?”

“Not that it’s any of your business but I have a date coming over tonight.”

Spock stopped in front of their shuttle and regarded her with serene eyes that were slightly wider than usual.

“I beg your pardon?”

“I have a date,” she repeated. “Now let’s go. I need to get ready. Everything has to be perfect.”

He entered the shuttle and sat in the co-pilot seat while Michael took the controls and set the course. He remained quiet for most of the ride home.

“I have not seen you express an interest in anyone at school,” he finally said, breaking the silence. “Is it Suvaal?”

Michael chuckled. “Suvaal? Why would you think that?”

“He often inquires about you, and stares at you.”

“He does? I never knew that. Anyway, you don’t know him. He’s human… and capable of empathy.”

She jumped from the shuttle before Spock could ask another question. She hurried inside and found Sarek and Amanda enjoying tea in the sitting room.

“Well? May he come over?”

“He has passed my vetting process,” Sarek said. “I would prefer a parent accompany him, for propriety, but his father was called away yesterday evening to Cardassia, and his mother is on Earth.”

“I’ll go get ready.”

“He won’t be here for another three hours,” Amanda said. “Finish some homework to pass the time.”

“I did everything at school today.”

She hurried to her room and tried to entertain herself, but it was pointless. None of the movies she watched held her interest, nor did any book she attempted to read. Finally, it was time to prepare and she decided to take a real bath instead of a sonic shower. She took a milk bath scented with roses, and then her mother came to help with her hair, putting it up in a complicated bun.

“This is currently in fashion with humans,” Amanda said. She applied a light coating of makeup and had barely finished clasping a necklace for Michael when the door chimed.

“If your motive is to make Spock jealous—”

“It’s not.”

“—it’s working,” Amanda finished.

“I’m not out to hurt Spock or make him jealous. He’s made it clear he’s moved on. There’s no reason I can’t as well.”

“That’s true,” Amanda agreed. Michael was glad when she didn’t push the subject further. She was equally glad to hear Spock was jealous.

Michael descended the stairs after Amanda. She was suddenly conscious of how tight her pantsuit was. She’d seen a few women dress similarly but she’d never thought she’d actually wear the outfit for to impress a date.

And impressed he was. His lips parted when he saw her and she felt his eyes move from her head to her toes, taking in every inch of her with unabashed interest. She felt her face heat under his tentative gaze. She saw Spock a few feet away, his face bright green and his lips all but disappeared into a thin line as he pressed them tightly together.

“Michael, you look amazing.”

“You look good, too,” she said, noting his gray tunic and black slacks. He had a thin, sleek body, with clearly defined muscles visible under the material that hugged his body perfectly.

Alex kissed her hand when she offered it, and it took everything in her not to giggle.

“Dinner will be served in half an hour,” Amanda said.

“Would you like to join me in the garden for tea?” Michael asked.

“I would.”

“I will join you,” Spock said.

“No, you won’t,” Michael said, glaring at him.

“Is this your brother?” Alex asked. He held his hand up in the Vulcan salute. Spock glared as he returned it.

“I am not her brother,” Spock said. “Michael and I do not have a sibling relationship.”

“Alex and I are fine on our own. Just as you and L’Nal were yesterday.”

“Spock, why don’t you come help me in the kitchen?” Amanda called.

Spock turned on his heel and all but stomped toward the kitchen, leaving Michael and Alex alone.

“What’s his issue?” Alex asked, as soon as they were in the garden.

“He’s overprotective,” Michael said.

“Brothers usually are, but he said you two don’t have a sibling relationship.”

Alex kept his gaze steady on Michael as he waited for an answer. After trying to decide whether to tell Alex to mind his own business, she decided to simply tell him the truth.

“My foster parents wanted us to be bonded. They suggested we court first. We did and…we slept together. When they asked if I was ready to bond with him, I hesitated. I’m not sure and that upset Spock.”

“He was ready, but you weren’t.”

Michael nodded. “I don’t think I should have to marry the first guy I sleep with. I just don’t know if I’m ready for that kind of commitment. He’s been just awful since. He doesn’t want to speak to me or have anything to do with me. Now he’s apparently interested in a girl from school named L’Nal.”

Alex’s smile was kind when he nodded. “The reason you subbed ice cream in for alcohol, huh? And then I came along. Is that why you’re interested in getting to know me? To make your ex-boyfriend jealous?”

“No! I really do want to get to know you.”

A strand of hair came loose from its clip and fell across her face. Alex reached up and gently tucked it behind her ear. She liked the feel of his skin against hers.

“I think I’m going to like you, Miss Burnham. I hope you reciprocate.”

“We’ll see. So far I do.”

Amanda brought their tea, but they were no longer interested in drinking it. Rather, they got lost in conversation about his career goals, and what kind of future she wanted after she left school in a year.

“I wanted to attend the Vulcan Science Academy, but they refused me,” Michael said. “I’m going to join Starfleet instead.”

“The Academy. Not a bad choice,” he said. “The entrance exam is a real bitch.”

“I saw it. It’s not that hard.”

She suddenly realized what she said, and her eyes widened. “Not that I think you’re not intelligent enough to pass it.”

Alex’s laugh was full of genuine mirth. He leaned his head back, giving into the joy of the moment, and Michael laughed with him. She’d forgotten how good it felt to be around someone not afraid of expressing emotion. She knew in that moment that she liked Alex Simmons quite a bit, and the sting of Spock’s rejection faded completely from her mind.

* * *

Dinner was as livelier than usual. Michael guessed having human company would do that. She was embarrassed by her foster father’s unabashed interrogation of Alex, but he weathered the storm well. He and Amanda laughed easily, even told a few jokes, while Spock sat across from Alex staring daggers into him. If looks could kill, Alex would have been a corpse before the appetizers were cleared.

After dessert, Michael showed Alex to his shuttle since he had to get home early. She was quite pleased when he kissed her hand goodbye, giving her a long, lingering look after his soft lips brushed her skin. She wondered what it would be like to feel those lips pressed against her own. Hopefully she wouldn’t have to wait long to find out.

Michael was walking on clouds when she entered the house. The sun had set, and she was in the mood to check on the plant she’d put into the ground, as well as her mother’s hibiscus tree. She just finished watering the plants when she felt his presence. She made no effort to acknowledge him.

“So, you found a stranger to bring into our home,” Spock said. “If your intention was to inspire jealousy within me—”

“Had I sought to inspire jealousy within you, brother,” Michael said, putting the watering can down and turning to find Spock standing closer than she expected. “I would count my mission a success. However, that was not my intention. Maybe you should go cry on L’Nal’s shoulder. Isn’t that what girlfriends are for?”

“She is not my girlfriend and I am not your brother,” Spock replied, his voice low and nakedly angry as he inched closer to her.

His nearness brought back memories of sitting on his lap, of touching him, kissing him, having him inside her. She thought of how she’d pleasured him as she stood behind him, taking in his scent. As crazy as it was, she had a flash of desire for him. Especially when she looked at his lips, so full and plump with the roundness of youth. If she reached for him, would he push her away?

Then she remembered Alex and tried to push thoughts of being with Spock again from her mind.

“You may as well be,” she said, breaking the silence that stretched between them. “Excuse me.”

Even if Spock didn’t block the view of the house, the plants and the fountain certainly did. She started to move around him, but he gripped her by the neck, his fingers biting into her skin, as though he could read her thoughts about him.

“Get rid of him.”

“Let go!”

Before she could so much as push him back, Spock claimed her lips in a kiss, shoving his tongue into her mouth before gripping both sides of her head to hold her in place. She wanted to shove him away, but he used his touch to convey a flurry of emotions that overwhelmed her. Anger, jealousy, lust. Lust quickly overshadowed the other emotions as his tongue moved like a wild thing in her mouth. And damn if her body didn’t betray her by responding like an animal to his anger. It fed something inside her that made her ache for him.

He ignored her half-hearted efforts to push him away and shoved her against the wall before moving his hands down to lift her up. He pulled one of her legs around his waist and pressed himself against her, trapping Michael between his body and the wall. Her other foot barely made contact with the ground.

When Spock unzipped the lower part of her pants and shoved a hand inside any possible objections to what he was doing fled her mind. Her body took over and she gave in.

“I am long overdue to reciprocate your ministrations from last month,” he said, rubbing his fingers over her clit and pulling a gasp from her. She let her head lean against the wall as Spock stroked her. She thought she should scream at him to stop, to let her go, but at the same time she’d have promised him anything for him to see what he’d started to completion.

He slipped his fingers through her slit, pressed at her entrance, and then came back to lavish attention on her clit. He didn’t waver, regardless of how hard she dug her nails into his biceps, her entire body straining to find release. She rutted against his hand without a hint of shame as he kissed her neck and her earlobe. His breath was so hot on her skin.

“Spock, please…”

“You want more of me?” he asked, even though he knew the answer was yes.

His lips were pressed to her skin. He began kissing from her ear over to her mouth, smothering any empty words of protest she might whisper with his lips. He slipped his tongue in deep, while at the same time pushing his fingers into her. He didn’t move them in and out, but rather stroked her inside, curling and uncurling his fingers as though bidding someone to come to him. He massaged her deep inside and stoked the fire of her need until she finally found release with a strangled sob that was muffled by Spock’s mouth.

He eased his fingers from her body, pulled his hand out of her pants, and allowed both of her feet to finally touch the ground.

“He is not for you,” Spock said.

“Fuck you, Spock. Neither are you,” Michael told him, her heart hammering in her chest as though she’d been running for dear life. Now that he was no longer touching her, no longer in her body and in her mind, and her lust was satisfied, her anger returned with a vengeance. “We’re even. This won’t happen again.”

“Michael—”

“You don’t dictate how this relationship will go,” she spat the words at him even as she pushed him away and started for the house. “You can’t ignore me, bring some other girl in here and flaunt her in my face, and expect me to just stand back and take it. What just happened changes nothing! You like L’Nal so much? Court her. Bond with her. We’re done and Alex isn’t going anywhere.”

“Michael, wait!”

She ignored him and ran into the house, ran to her room, and locked the door. She collapsed on her bed, unable to work out how she felt. Anger at Spock. Anger at herself for not putting up a fight and making him stop when he began kissing and touching her. Damn him. She hoped he could read that she was serious about everything else she’d said, because she would not let him disregard her feelings and flaunt other girls in front of her as a tool to hurt her.


	4. Heart To Heart

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Spock chaperone's Michael on a date. Michael comes to a realization about her feelings for Alex. She and Spock talk things out.

Sarek and Amanda agreed to allow Michael to take a shuttle to go to the southern market, alone, for a lunch date with Alex, and Michael couldn’t have been happier. She decided to wear a dark blue dress she hadn’t had the chance to wear yet, hoping Alex would like it.

But even as she dressed, she couldn’t quite banish thoughts of her encounter with Spock in the garden a week previously, and how she’d watched him come stand outside her bedroom door in the dead of night, hoping she would allow him entrance. She refused to speak with him about what happened, and eventually he’d stopped trying, and stopped visiting her door in the hopes she would open to him, in more ways than one.

The rainy season had started, and Michael enjoyed the overcast sky that promised to drop rain at any moment. Despite the weather, the market was even more crowded than it was the first time Amanda brought her. People moved along slowly, in a noisy crush, trying to get their shopping in before the rain began to fall.

Alex met her at the entrance arch and offered his arm, which she looped hers through.

“You look lovely,” he said. “You always do.”

Michael’s face heated at the compliment and she moved closer to him. “You don’t look so bad either.”

“You have anything in mind for today?”

“Not really, no. What would you like to do?”

“There is a fair going on in the northern part of the city,” he informed her. “It is part of the cultural exchange program. There will be attractions and rides from several planets. Would you like to accompany me?”

Michael bit her lip. “I don’t know. I told my parents I’d be here. If I go fifteen miles away, they might punish me by not letting me come see you alone anymore.”

“Perhaps is you ask them. If they say no there is plenty we can do here.”

“So proper and formal today,” she said, nudging him in the side, which earned her a smile.

She went over to a comm kiosk and dialed home. She wanted to speak with her parents face to face. Maybe, if she looked sad enough, or hopeful enough, they’d take pity on her and let her go to the fair. At least Amanda would.

“Mom? Alex said there’s a fair for the cultural exchange up north. May we go?”

Sarek opened his mouth to answer but Amanda put the signal on mute and spoke to him. After a few moments Sarek came back online and face an answer.

“You may go with Spock as a chaperone. Any argument will be met with a refusal and an order to return home immediately.”

“Fine,” she relented, feeling both embarrassed and angry. She was older than Spock, and she doubted they’d force her to chaperone him on a date up north.

“Spock will beam in. Take our shuttle,” Amanda said. She at least had enough empathy to look and sound regretful for Sarek’s decision.

“Your foster parents are quite old fashioned,” Alex noted.

“Yeah, I know.”

“Their decisions are made out of love for you. Perhaps that will take the sting out of it?”

“Not really, no,” she confessed. They shared a laugh.

Spock beamed in ten minutes later, and Michael was shocked to see him not in his usual understated black shirt and loose trousers but wearing a form-fitting sky-blue tunic over tight-fitting navy-blue leggings and knee-high boots. She couldn’t help but think he looked quite complimentary to her own dress. He looked good. Very good. Michael had never seen him wear anything but either black or gray. She wasn’t aware he even owned colorful clothing.

“Spock?” she asked, barely believing her eyes.

“Father sent me to chaperone. Shall we?”

Michael looked to Alex only to find he regarded Spock with a hard look in his eyes. Michael wasn’t sure what to make of it. Was he jealous?

The shuttle ride was quiet, with Spock piloting while Michael sat in back with Alex, who told her more about the fair. It was free to the public, requiring no credits for the rides, though anything else would have to be bought. Michael tried to give Alex her full attention, but her eyes kept wandering back to Spock, who sat with his back ruler straight, piloting the shuttle, staring ahead out of the view screen, paying them no attention.

The crowd was surprisingly heavy considering the threat of rain. As soon as they were out of the shuttle Michael leaned in to whisper to Spock. “Keep back. Let me have this day with him.”

He cocked a brow. “Certainly. I will keep my presence minimally known.”

Feeling bad for basically telling him to stay away from her, Michael nodded at his outfit. “You look good. I didn’t know you had clothes like this.”

“Thank you. Mother suggested I vary my wardrobe.”

“Michael?” Alex asked, offering his arm and giving Spock that same hard look.

“Sorry, right. Here I am.”

She hurried to his side and looped her arm through his, but she noticed him giving Spock a lingering look before offering her a smile and leading her into the fair, with Spock trailing behind.

The air smelled delicious, at least to her human nose. There weren’t very many Vulcans in sight, likely because of the various meat-based foods offered that offended their palate. The air was perfumed with savory roasting meats and sweet confections, as well as filled with excited chatter and laughter. She supposed such an environment would be overwhelming for the average Vulcan, but she loved it.

Spock acting as a chaperone went forgotten as Alex led her deeper into the fairgrounds. They stopped at a shooting gallery where she attempted to win a stuffed teddy bear, but without luck. Alex didn’t fare any better, but he didn’t seem too concerned with losing in front of her, as she would expect from most human boys.

“I am a terrible shot,” he said, laughing and shaking his head. “Apologies, my lady.”

“No worries. I wasn’t any good at it either. Look over there. They’re bobbing for apples.”

“Would you like to try?”

Michael shook her head and laughed. “Get my clothes wet and mess up my makeup? No. Let’s watch.”

He chuckled at that and they took up a space by a couple holding hands and attempting to bob for an apple. Each man ducked their head under water but came up empty every time. On the fourth attempt one man went in deep, dunking himself into the water until it was past his shoulders, to the cheering of the crowd. When he came up, he had an apple in his mouth. His partner cheered loudest of all and kissed him before sharing a bite of the apple.

“I always said you have a huge mouth, and now you’ve proven me right,” one man said.

“Honeymooning couple, ladies and gentlemen!” said the human man in charge. Michael and Alex joined the crowd in applauding them.

“I am hungry,” Alex said. “Shall we get something for lunch?”

They settled on beef kebabs and took a leisurely stroll through the boisterous crowd. By the time they finished their lunch they’d reached a massive Ferris Wheel that was bigger than anything Michael had ever seen.

“That’s as big as the old London Eye!”

“We must ride it,” Alex said, leading her into the queue. Though the wait was lengthy, they waited it out, with Michael enjoying the feel of Alex’s warm hand in hers.

“Did I inform you of how lovely you look today?”

“You did,” Michael said, stifling a giggle. “I don’t mind the reminder.”

They finally took a seat and were locked in. It took a full ten minutes to finish loading passengers, but when the Ferris Wheel started it moved faster than she expected. She yelped in surprise, and then giggled, embarrassed, while Alex wrapped a protective arm around her. Michael looked for Spock and saw him on the ground, crowd watching. He didn’t stare at them, she noticed, and was grateful for it.

“Do you think it will rain?” Alex asked, looking up at the sky.

“It will. I just hope it holds off a little longer,” she said.

She looked over at Alex and realized just how close he was. He leaned a little closer, and when she remained still, rather than leaning away, he closed the distance and pressed his lips to hers. She leaned into it, opened her mouth to him, and enjoyed the feel of his hand on her cheek, gently stroking her face.

But even as she moved closer, and followed his lead as the kiss went deeper, she was acutely aware of the lack of excitement she’d felt when kissing Spock. Her heart didn’t gallop, she didn’t feel that pool of warmth in the pit of her stomach, or that sweet ache in her core, like she did when she was with him.

 _Come on Michael_ , she thought. _Try harder. Do better_.

Alex pulled away, breathless, resting his forehead against hers with his eyes closed. Michael felt something akin to panic. What was wrong with her? She liked Alex. He was attractive, fun, they were both human and had a lot in common. Why wasn’t she as excited with him as she could get with Spock?

She leaned her head on his shoulder and looked out over the city as the Ferris Wheel brought them to the very top, the bench rocking gently beneath them. She just needed time, was all. She was confused about everything with Spock, and nothing more than that.

“Have you considered leaving Vulcan when you are eighteen?”

“I’m Sarek’s ward,” she said. “Even though I’m human I won’t be considered of age until I’m twenty, as all Vulcans are. Why?”

Alex took her hand in his. “I had hopes you would join me for an archeological dig on Redaxia Two. There is evidence that an Organian colony once thrived there.”

“You want me to go?”

“Archaeology is a passion of mine. My parents will be present as well. However it is unlikely Sarek will allow you to go. I had hoped if you were of age the decision would be yours.”

“You’re right. He won’t let me go off-planet with you. He barely agreed to let us come to the fair, and he sent Spock as a chaperone!”

Alex nodded once, his expression one of frustration. 

As they descended Michael caught sight of Spock. He was looking at her now, his face a mask of indifference, but she was sure she could feel his hurt, his sense of loss, and also jealousy. Suddenly the idea of remaining at the fair with Alex didn’t seem so exciting.

* * *

The afternoon dwindled away with the light as the clouds above grew heavier. Michael walked with Alex, going from one booth to another, pretending to enjoy herself, but in reality, she’d lost interest on the Ferris Wheel. She was sad and she didn’t know why. Was it her pain she felt, or Spock’s?

They tried a dice throwing game operated by a group of rowdy Andorians. They rode several more rides, including a roller coaster, and a gravity drop ride that left Michael shaken and slightly nauseous.

She did slightly better than Alex throwing darts at a balloon, and tried whack-a-mole, which Alex proved superior at. At every game, though, Michael wished Spock was there to play with them, but every time she looked for him to invite him, he was nowhere to be seen.

As the day drew to a close, they tried one final game, called High Striker. Michael managed to get the puck halfway up the tower, but Alex managed to ring the bell with force. He handed the mallet over to the next person in line, but his hand grazed a sharp piece of metal on the edge of the rope divider as they exited.

“Ah!” he hissed, gripping his hand. “I have injured myself.”

“Let me see,” Michael said, but Alex backed away, his eyes wide. He shook his head, keeping a firm grip on his hand.

“I am fine. I will deal with it.”

“I’ll get you a towel, just wait—”

“I said I will handle it!” he shouted. “Have Spock take you home. I will beam back to my shuttle.”

Taken aback by the ferocity of his tone, Michael simply nodded and watched Alex hurry away. He was soon swallowed by the crowd.

Spock now stood beside her, looking at her with open concern. “Are you alright?”

“Yeah, I’m fine. Thanks for hanging back.”

He bowed his head once and started forward. Michael followed.

“A curious reaction to his injury,” Spock noted. “He appeared almost panicked.”

“I’m sure he’ll be fine. Maybe he’s afraid of blood and he panicked. Did you try any of the games?” she asked.

Spock shook his head. “Only one. I had a duty to chaperone.”

“Then let’s stay so you can play some games.”

“It is not necessary. The day grows late, Michael.”

They passed a stage where an Orion man and woman danced to an up-tempo song, their nearly naked bodies moved together in a dance so sensual it was practically indecent. Michael’s face flushed as she felt warmth in her belly watching them. She cleared her throat and urged Spock, who looked as captivated as the rest of the crowd, to move on. Orions were known to release pheromones that could affect crowds of people, and even make them susceptible to suggestion, and therefore loose with their credits.

They reached the shooting gallery near the entrance to the fair and Spock moved over to the human man running it. He handed Spock a very large stuffed teddy bear, which Spock handed to Michael.

“What?” she said, accepting the bear.

“You seemed disappointed not to win this one, so I came back and won it for you,” Spock said. “It is the one game I played.”

It was that moment when the sky finally broke. The rush of rain was as violent and intense as Vulcans themselves used to be, before they embraced logic. Micheal held into the bear, her throat tight with emotion at Spock’s act of kindness. He took her hand and together they jogged toward the arch as rain soaked through her jacket and the top of her dress and matted her carefully coifed hair to her head.

They reached their shuttle and Spock attempted to wipe his hair back, from his face. She’d never seen so much of his forehead before, and she began to giggle. But it didn’t last long. The change in his hair changed his entire appearance. His tunic clung to every rippling muscle of his body, like a second skin, and she was taken with how completely beautiful he was.

“You won this for me,” she said, feeling a rush of affection for him. “Thank you.”

“We should get out of this rain…”

She wanted him to kiss her. She wanted it so badly she was certain he could feel it through whatever kind of bond it was they shared. His words trailed off as he looked down at her, tilting his head to the side like a curious puppy.

“What do you want from me?”

“I don’t know,” was her honest answer.

She sensed that Spock knew what she wanted because he wanted it as well. He leaned forward, pressing his lips to hers, pushing his tongue into her mouth, and that rush of excitement hit her like a kick to the stomach. The kiss was deep, heated, and she felt like she would melt against him. He pulled back and opened the shuttle, to motion her inside to begin the journey home.

* * *

It was past midnight when he came to her bedroom door. She sensed him there as she struggled to fall asleep. Unlike the other nights, when she’d angrily rebuked him, Michael called for the door to unlock. As soon as it clicked, Spock came into the room and shut it behind him, locking it back in place.

“Privacy mode,” he said quietly in his deep, soft voice, as he approached the bed. “Thank you for letting me in. I wanted to speak with you about today.”

She patted the bed beside her and scooted over until there was enough room for him to lie next to her. He didn’t have his shoes on, and she found herself marveling at how big his feet were now. It was easier to look at them than his eyes, but he touched her cheek and she finally found the courage to meet his gaze.

“Spock, I kissed Alex today.”

“I know. I sensed your…lack of interest.”

“I don’t know why he doesn’t make me feel the way I do when I kiss you.”

Spock audibly swallowed and trailed a finger from her chin down her neck, to her chest. His touch was at once comforting and arousing.

“Perhaps you do not love him. Perhaps it is because you do not know him as you do me, and trust him as you do me.”

She placed a hand over his to stop his finger from wandering toward the stiff peak of her nipple, visible beneath the thin material of her night shirt.

“Perhaps it’s because as much as I like him as a person, and as much as I wanted a human friend, I’ve been using him to make you jealous. To get back at you for…”

“The pain I caused you. I am sorry, Michael. I was wrong to bring L’Nal into this. I was wrong to hurt you.”

“Spock, I never wanted to cause you pain when I said I needed time to decide.”

“No, you did not, but you did. Still, I could have reacted with more maturity than I did. I behaved as a spoiled child in a tantrum. I am sorry.”

Michael had never expected such a sincere apology from Spock. She’d never expected him to admit to wrongdoing of any kind. Now, lying beside him, she felt herself feeling very warm toward him, forgiving. She felt a desire to be close to him, to just enjoy the moment.

“Can’t we just be together, without trying to label it? Can’t we just enjoy one another tonight?”

Spock nodded. When he trailed a hand down her body to grip her leg and pull it over him, she didn’t object.

“I wish to be naked with you,” he whispered. “I wish to be with you without worrying about time or getting caught and punished.”

“We have all night. They’re asleep. We’ll be quiet, they won’t hear us, or interrupt us.”

“May I?” he asked, putting a hand to her face. She nodded and let Spock into her mind, allowed him to connect with her on a deeper level than merely the physical.

It wasn’t long before he put that hand to use in other ways. He helped her from her night shirt, as she helped him from his pajamas. They spent time enjoying one another, feeling each caress, and their mental bond allowed her to not only feel his hands and his mouth on her body, but it allowed her to feel his reaction to each touch of her hand against his flesh. She could feel his every desire, and the pleasure he took in lying between her thighs and pushing slowly into her.

“Spock…” she whispered, as he began to move. He wrapped her legs around him and rocked her, slowly, taking the time to stoke the fires of lust deep inside her body. They lost track of time as they moved between the sheets, flesh rubbing against flesh, mind to mind, and heart to heart.


	5. Like A Vulcan

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Spock and Michael must fight for survival.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter, and the final chapter, are posted together.

Panic awoke Spock and Michael in the morning.

Michael came awake to the sound of Amanda’s voice calling her name, getting louder as she approached. Spock jerked awake and fell out of bed, momentarily confused about where he was.

“Hide!” Michael whispered, her eyes big with fear. She was relieved when Spock didn’t argue. Instead he scooped up his pajama bottoms and opened the window.

“Be careful,” Michael cautioned. He nodded once, kissed her quickly on the lips, and then climbed onto the sill. She shut the window and hurried to bed, getting under the covers, stifling a giggle, just as Amanda cracked the door open. She looked pale, shaken. Her words were clipped when she spoke.

“Michael? I can’t find Spock.”

She pretended to rub sleep from her eyes and shrugged. “I don’t know where he is.”

“Well, you should get up. You’ve overslept as it is.”

Wondering what had Amanda so upset, Michael waited until she pulled the door shut before she jumped from bed and went to peer onto the ledge. Spock was gone. She didn’t sense any distress but she pulled on her robe and went to the top of the stairs just in time to see Spock enter the house from the garden entrance.

“Why were you outside in your nightclothes?” Amanda demanded.

“I wished to meditate to the sound of the rain, Mother. I did not intend to cause you distress.”

“Stay inside. You and Michael won’t be attending school this week in honor of S’hal Talrok.”

“S’hal Talrok is the observation of fertility and marriage prayers to the old gods,” said Spock. “It has not been observed in fifteen hundred years, and it would not be cause to abstain from school or work since the prayers are conducted at night. Culminating in an orgy.”

“Well, we’re bringing it back, sans the orgy, and you’re both staying home. Now get dressed, breakfast will be ready soon.”

Michael settled for a quick sonic shower before throwing on a rust-red jumpsuit with comfortable running shoes. She came down to find Amanda at the table alone.”

“Where is father?” Michael asked.

“In his office. He has consultations today.”

Michael could feel Spock’s curiosity as keenly as her own, but she didn’t need a telepathic bond to know Spock was as skeptical of Amanda’s excuse for keeping them home from school as she was.

“Mother, you appear distressed,” said Spock.

“Something’s going on you don’t want us to know about,” Michael added. “Maybe give us some credit? Whatever it is we can handle it.”

When Amanda looked at her, Michael was struck by the fear evident in her gaze.

“I didn’t think you’d buy the holiday excuse. Sarek and I received distressing news last night. We’ll speak with you when he is finished with his meetings.”

The door chimed, which surprised Michael. They usually had to give clearance to approaching vehicles, but someone had landed and now stood at the doors. He was young, with short black hair and a hard face. He had Starfleet Security written all over him.

“Leland, come in,” Amanda said. “Sarek is in his office. Just go—”

“I know where it is, ma’am. I’ve studied the layout of your property, and your husband gave me a tour of the grounds last month.”

Michael leaned over to Spock. “I don’t remember him.”

“He must have come while we were in school.”

Leland disappeared into the house, heading unerringly to Sarek’s office. Amanda returned to the table to clear the dishes with an unsteady hand.

“Mother, Michael and I will clear the dishes,” Spock offered.

“No, you two find something to do. I’m fine.”

“Want to go shopping at the market?” Michael asked Spock.

“No!” Amanda said, before Spock could answer. “You are not to leave the house without me or your father. I don’t even want you to step outside.”

“What’s going on?” Michael asked, but Amanda didn’t answer. She simply gathered up the dishes and hurried to the kitchen. Michael moved to follow, but Spock halted her.

“Come,” Spock said, motioning for her to follow him to his room. As soon as the door was shut he activated privacy mode.

“We’re not allowed outside? On our own property?”

“Mother’s distress is quite pronounced,” Spock said. “Whatever is happening, she will not speak of it with us without Father.”

“It’s obviously security related. Do you think something happened with the extremists?”

“They are always a concern, but speculation without evidence will prove fruitless and only act to heighten anxieties.”

Michael sighed, her mind churning over what could possibly be going on. “She said do something fun.”

“A game of chess, perhaps?”

Michael smiled before falling back into Spock’s bed. “I was thinking something more like a contact sport.”

Spock allowed a smile to part his lips. “That will be much better than chess.”

* * *

Michael used a wet cloth to clean Spock’s ejaculate from her thighs. He still lay on the bed, his trousers pulled down just enough, his shirt hiked up, and his eyes closed, his face a mask of total post coital bliss. It was with great reluctance that he listened to Michael and went to clean up and change clothes.

After the bed was made, they contented themselves to lay down together to eat snacks and watch old films, waiting for word from Sarek and Amanda. It was their mother who came to the door to call them downstairs.

“You two look cozy. Fight over?”

“Indeed,” Spock said. “We are quite content.”

“Good.”

Leland and Sarek were downstairs waiting on them.

“I’m Leland,” he said in introduction, nodding but not offering to shake hands.

“Is that your first name or last?” Michael asked.

“It’s just Leland. I would like details of your outing to the fair yesterday. Did you see anything unusual? Did anything, regardless of how insignificant it may have seemed, strike you as odd?”

Michael thought back on the day but shook her head. “No, nothing.”

“Spock?” Leland asked.

“The only thing I found odd was when Alexander Simmons cut his hand,” Spock said. “He reacted with extreme anxiety.”

“He’s probably just bothered by the sight of blood. Even his own,” Michael said.

“What did the three of you discuss?”

“Nothing,” Spock said. “Michael asked that I remain apart from them so they could enjoy their date.”

“Do I really have to tell you what we talked about on our date?”

“It is important, Michael,” Sarek said.

“Why?”

“Honey, please,” Amanda said, her voice on edge.

“We just talked about what we wanted for lunch. The games we played. He told me about his love of archaeology.”

She considered telling him about Alex’s proposal to go with him and his parents to Redaxia Two but decided not to. She could just imagine Sarek banning her from ever speaking to Alex again for something so innocent.

“Do you recall seeing anyone following you?”

“No.”

“Spock?” Leland asked.

“Considering the danger posed by Logic Extremists of late, I was vigilant in observing the crowd. I did not notice anyone in particular behaving strangely. I am certain we were not followed.”

“Now tell us what’s going on?” Michael asked.

“Ambassador Simmons and his wife were both on Cardassia when they were murdered. The investigation so far suggests the Cardassian government had nothing to do with their deaths. We have reason to believe their son is also a target,” Leland said.

“Why would anyone target his family?” Michael asked, suddenly afraid for Alex’s safety.

“We’re still trying to determine that, but there’s evidence his connection to you has something to do with it,” Leland told them. “Starfleet Security informed Alexander of his parents’ demise and will take him into custody to keep him safe.”

“Poor Alex,” Michael said, sitting heavily in her seat. Guilt began to burn in her stomach. His parents had been murdered simply for being friends with her. “This is my fault somehow.”

“It is not,” said Spock. “You had no way of knowing this would happen. You cannot blame yourself, Michael.”

“But they killed his parents because of his friendship with me.”

“Right now we want all of you to remain in the house until further notice,” said Leland. “Security patrols have been increased around your property twenty-four/seven. Your shields have been doubled—”

“Alex!”

Michael’s eyes had caught movement in the distance. When she looked up, she saw Alex, covered in blood, some red, some green, staggering toward the house.

“Stay here,” Leland said. He pulled the phaser strapped to his belt and hurried outside to meet up with Alex.

“Michael, stay here,” Amanda said, taking hold of her so she couldn’t run outside.

“But—”

“We will let Leland take care of this,” Sarek said. “It is for the best.”

Leland spoke with Alex for what seemed like an eternity before putting his phaser away and walking him into the house. He had his communicator open and was speaking into it when they entered. Michael hurried to Alex and hugged him, uncaring of the blood that covered him.

“Alex! What happened?”

“My transport…it was shot down as I was coming to visit you. I wanted to see you after...”

“Here, sit down,” Amanda said, helping him into a seat.

“There were security agents in the area. They managed to help me out of the wreckage but these Vulcans came out of the trees and started shooting at us. The agents got me into the security field but they died in the fight. My mother and father…they are…”

“I know,” Michael said, wrapping an arm around him. Amanda handed him a glass of water, which he downed.

“We’re going to shelter in place,” Leland said, “until the rest of my team gets here tomorrow afternoon. This place isn’t as secure as an embassy, but it’s enough, I believe, to keep you all safe. Do you think you could recognize your attackers?” Leland asked.

“I do not know,” he said.

For some reason, Leland frowned at him. “No worries. Our team will arrive tomorrow. They’ll have news by then.”

Alex only nodded, looking dejected.

“You’re exhausted, you poor thing,” Amanda said. “Spock, won’t you get something for Alex to wear? Take it to the guest room. I’ll show you where the shower is, Alex.”

“Perhaps it would be best if I escorted him?” Spock said.

“Yes. I believe it would,” Alex said.

Leland shook his head. “No. Spock stays here. I’ll show the boy to the room and see he gets cleaned up.”

Michael watched them leave, her heart heavy with grief for all that Alex had lost.

* * *

The rain not only failed to move on, as Michael had hoped, but it evolved into a storm that lashed the windows with rain like a million fists beating the glass in an effort to break through. By the time dinner was served the sky was so dark it appeared to be dusk.

Alex had come down hours earlier, but he only stood at the doors to the garden, watching the wind and rain lash at the flowers and trees there, his hands behind his stiff back, his face slack. Michael and Spock gave him space. Amanda only spoke to him to call him to the table for dinner. Leland and Sarek took turns patrolling the house.

“I’ve made hamburgers for us carnivores,” Amanda said, trying in vain to lighten the mood. “Roasted vegetables for Sarek and Spock.”

“I am not hungry,” Alex said.

“I know it sounds crazy, but eating will make you feel better,” Leland said.

Sighing, Alex ate a few fries but that was all he could stomach.

“Would you like a milkshake?” Michael asked him. “Something sweet might go down easier.”

“No.”

Amanda put a comforting hand on his shoulder. “It’s ok, Alex. You don’t have to eat if you don’t want to.”

“If you will pardon me.”

He put his napkin on the table and returned to his place by the garden entrance.

Dinner passed in complete silence. It wasn’t until the dishes were cleared that Spock asked for more details regarding the current threat. Leland frustrated them by telling them it was an ongoing investigation and he wasn’t at liberty to discuss it.

“Alex?”

She found him later in the library, sitting in a chair in near darkness, watching rain lash a window that was faintly illuminated by an outdoor security light.

“You sit as stiff as a Vulcan,” she said, taking a seat beside him. He turned his gaze to her and she felt a jolt of unpleasant surprise at the coldness in his eyes.

“Do you care for me?”

Michael swallowed. After all he’d been through that day, the last thing she wanted to tell him was that after only one date, and one kiss, she’d chosen Spock over him.

“You’re my friend. Of course I do.”

“Do you kiss all of your friends in the manner you kissed me yesterday?”

“Alex, it’s complicated.”

“Complicated? In what way? You either want me or you do not. I see no complications.”

She struggled for a reply under his steady gaze. Finally he turned from her.

“Leave me, Michael. I desire solitude.”

Unsure of what else to say, Michael got to her feet and left him alone.

* * *

Michael was in bed, her thoughts a jumble, when the power went out. The house became black as pitch, and as quiet as the dead.

“Are you decent, Miss Burnham?” Leland asked.

“Yes.”

He entered the room and spent a few long moments staring out her window with a pair of goggles. Moments later he took out his communicator and gave the all clear.

“Why haven’t the generators kicked in?” Michael asked.

Leland shrugged. “This storm is pretty severe. Try to sleep. There’s nothing else to do.”

He pulled the door shut and Michael snuggled into her blankets, hoping to find sleep, but her mind kept turning over her date with Alex. Something bothered her. She just couldn’t pinpoint what. There was something different about him on their date, and tonight. But what was it?

When sleep refused to come, Michael tiptoed into the hall. Leland walked the hall and he shone the flashlight in her direction when he heard her leave her room.

“Miss?”

“I’m going to talk to Spock.”

He nodded and went back on patrol.

“Spock?”

He immediately turned over and lifted his blanket. She slid in beside him. A cool breeze blew in through his open bedroom window.

“Your floor will get soaked,” she told him.

“Something troubles you.”

Michael nodded. “Remember when Leland asked if there was anything strange on our date?”

“Yes.”

“There’s something different about Alex. I’m just not sure what it is.”

“Different from when?”

Michael considered it. “He’s so formal lately. He talks like a Vulcan!” She sat up when the realization hit her.

“Perhaps living on Vulcan has changed his speech patterns.”

“I’ve lived here for years, and I don’t speak with your formality. He’s only been here a few months. He stopped using contractions.”

“What do you think it means?”

Michael shrugged. “I don’t know. I’ll ask him about it tomorrow.”

Spock pulled her into a kiss before stroking her face. “Get some rest. You are safe.”

“I should go back to my room. We could get caught.”

“We are doing nothing that is wrong, Michael. I have no intention of hiding our relationship from Mother and Father any longer. In fact, I wish to speak to them about cohabitating with you.”

Michael felt her jaw drop. “They’d never allow that!”

“We shall see.”

That smile was back. Michael’s chuckle turned to a gasp when she felt Spock’s fingers slip between her thighs. He rubbed her over her clothes, making her wet, making her moan.

“Three times in less than twenty-four hours?”

“I never tire of being with you,” said Spock. “Or inside of you.”

She maneuvered herself atop Spock and ran her hands over his chest.

“I wish to be your Bonded,” she said. “If you still want me.”

“Of course I do. I will—” Spock went still and looked to the door. “Did you hear that?”

“What?”

“I thought I heard someone fall.”

They remained still, listening. A few moments later, Spock’s bedroom door swung open and Alex stepped in.

“As I thought,” he said, looking at them.

“Alex, wait,” Michael said.

“Shameful,” he said, his voice oddly devoid of feeling. “You rut in the dark with this human. It was bad enough your father diluted his noble family line with a weak human woman. You would now perpetuate his sins. As the humans say, like father, like son. Shame upon shame.”

“What?” Michael said, shock and hurt making her voice weak. Spock moved her off him and got to his feet. It occurred to her now why Alex had looked at Spock with such loathing at the fair--he wasn't jealous of her and Spock at all. He hated him for loving Michael. 

“Who are you?” Spock asked.

“I am a true son of Vulcan, here to cleanse this house of the human and half breed filth that sullies it.”

He charged Spock. There was just enough light for her to see the glint of a knife in his hand. But Spock was not helpless. Sarek has seen to it both he and Michael had been trained in the martial arts of Vulcan.

“Run, Michael!”

“Leland! Help!”

The last thing Michael wanted to do was leave Spock behind, but she had to get help. She slid into the hallway and saw Leland sitting up from the floor, groaning and holding the back of his head.

“Alex is trying to kill Spock!”

Leland pulled himself to his feet and scooped his communicator off the floor as the sounds of a struggle continued in Spock’s room.

“Leland to Beta.”

There was no response. Something boomed outside but Michael wasn’t sure if it was thunder or weapons fire.

She moved into the room just in time to see something that scared her to her bones: Alex tackled Spock. They tumbled out of the window and into the rainy night.

“Spock!” She went to the window with Leland to see that Spock had landed atop Alex. Impossibly, he continued to struggle with Spock as though unaffected by the fall. In the distance the generators, the source of the explosion she'd heard moments ago, burned. Alex apparently wasn't alone in his assault on their home.

“Shit!” Leland shouted. “Go get your parents!”

He barreled down the steps ahead of Michael. She resisted the urge to follow him, as though her presence alone would ensure Spock’s victory in his fight with Alex.

“Sarek! Amanda!”

Their bedroom took up a generous portion of the ground floor. She threw the doors open, desperate for their help, only to find her foster mother on the floor, moaning in pain with a dagger in her chest, and Sarek locked in battle with two Vulcan assailants.

“Run Michael! Call for help!”

“Kill the human,” a woman said before renewing her battle with Sarek. Her compatriot leveled a phaser at her. Michael moved on instinct and barely avoided being shot. The beam blasted a hole in the door where she’d been moments before, and she felt a stab of pain in her right shoulder as a shard of wood embedded itself in her flesh.

She veered into Sarek’s office and locked the door before hurrying to his console, grateful his office had an independent power source. She tapped a simple three letter code into the computer: SOS. The blue screen flashed red, confirming a signal for help had been sent.

Without waiting for a second shot to hit the office door, Michael vaulted through the window and into the downpour outside.


	6. I Do

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which plans for the future are made and cemented.

The rain was warm, the air balmy, but Michael was soaked through in seconds after jumping from Sarek’s office window.

She tried not to slip in the muddy soil as she ran toward the front of the house. She had to find Spock and Leland, tell them about Amanda and Sarek, but a phaser blast set to kill nearly took her head off as she came around the house. She screamed and ducked. If she retreated, she’d run into the man who pursued her from Sarek’s office. However, she faced another attacker directly ahead. She froze, unsure what to do.

“Michael!”

Leland.

She ducked low and peered around the house. Leland had killed whoever had shot at her. She took off running to him.

“Someone’s after me!”

“Down!”

She dove for the ground and felt the sizzling heat of Leland’s phaser over her head. She looked back to see her pursuer dodge back behind the house.

“My father! They stabbed Mother! She’s dying. I called for help! Where’s Spock?”

“Michael.”

She almost fainted with relief to see Spock alive and well. Alex lay on the ground. She wasn’t sure if he was dead or merely unconscious.

“Run! Find somewhere to hide and don’t return until you hear from me or your father.”

He tossed a communicator to Spock, who had acquired a knife from Alex, and a small backup phaser from Leland. 

“Come, Michael.”

“We can’t leave! We have to fight.”

“I must get you to safety. Let Leland do what he is trained to do.”

Only a near Miss from a phaser convinced Michael to flee with Spock. He took her hand and led her past the garden to a path that split, leading to either the forest or the river. Spock headed to the forest.

* * *

“I need to stop.”

Michael could barely breathe, and the adrenaline was wearing off now. She bent forward, hands on her knees, her body wracked with pain, and her mind clouded with fear.

“You are wounded,” Spock said. He’d taken note of the splinter in her shoulder. “It is not deep.”

She bit back a cry of pain when Spock pulled it from her shoulder. He immediately applied pressure while he kept his eyes and ears peeled for attackers in pursuit.

“Alex. He—”

“He is Vulcan,” Spock said. “Surgically altered to appear human. He bleeds green.”

“Is he dead?”

“I do not know for certain. We must find shelter. You are shivering.”

Michael wanted to object when Spock scooped her into his arms and began to walk deeper into the forest. She wanted to remind him that she was strong enough to care for herself, but the truth was she couldn’t take another step. Though fear made her question every noise she heard, Michael was too exhausted to keep her eyes open.

At some point she became aware of warmth. She opened her eyes to see that Spock had heated a stone with his phaser. The stone warmed her front, Spock warmed her back. They’d taken shelter under an outcropping of rock. It wasn’t much but it kept the wind and the rain mostly off of them. Only the occasional stray rain drop touched her face with icy fingers.

“Spock, before I ran from the attackers I saw mother. She had been stabbed in the chest with a dagger.”

Spock said nothing, but she felt his grip on her hand tighten. When he finally broke his silence, his voice was soft and trembling. He sounded so young and afraid.

“And Father?”

“He fought two attackers. One chased me. The other remained with him.”

“I see.”

“We should go back,” she said. She understood his fear, which he tried to hide from her through their bond. He didn’t wish to be orphaned, as she had been.

“To what end? If Father and Leland have been defeated by the assailants we would simply be giving them a prime opportunity to kill us, which is what they want. We are safer here, for now. The ore in these stones will act as a natural shield from sensors.”

She opened her mouth to respond but Spock clamped a hand over her mouth to silence her. Moments later she heard the thud of footsteps close by. Spock released her and raised his phaser, ready to fire.

“Spock? Michael?”

It was Leland. Or it sounded like him. They remained still, waiting to see who it was before revealing their location. Spock’s communicator buzzed, in silent mode. He looked at the screen to see a text from him giving the all-clear.

Spock motioned for Michael to remain still and silent as he got to his feet, moving with almost no sound. But the idea of something happening to him, to losing all of her family for the second time in her life, spurred her to get to her feet and follow him, despite the glare of protest he shot her.

Moving behind Spock, she followed close until they came upon a figure moving ahead, heading away from their property. A flash of lightning revealed the figure in full. It was Leland.

“Leland,” Spock said.

The older man turned to face them, but Spock refused to lower his weapon, which he trained on Leland.

“You can lower your phaser, Spock. I’m here to take you home.”

“I have no reason to trust you,” Spock said. “It would not be unreasonable to suspect you are involved with the attack on my family. Put your weapon down and raise your hands.”

It was difficult to see, but she at least heard Leland’s phaser hit the forest floor with a thud. She moved to scoop it up.

“You have a flashlight?” Michael asked.

“You can use my communicator,” he said, keeping his hands raised. Michael grabbed it from his belt and switched on the beam. She illuminated the way ahead, and Spock ordered Leland to walk in front. It seemed to take forever before they reached the lights of their property. The house was swarming with Starfleet security. Spock lowered his phaser.

“Apologies,” Spock said.

“None are necessary,” Leland said, waving his hand in dismissal. “It was smart not to blindly trust me. Now go. Your father refuses to go to the Medical Center until he has you safe with him.”

They rushed to the house to find Sarek standing in the main entrance. He didn’t object when Michael threw herself into his embrace. His arms around her made her feel secure.

“Mother?” Spock asked, hanging back.

“Unknown,” Sarek said. “Security waits to transport us to the Medical Center.”

“Can’t we just beam in?” Michael asked.

Sarek shook his head. “A security sweep revealed our transporters have been hijacked. We could beam ourselves into a trap. Travel by shuttle is safest.”

The shuttle was small and utilitarian, unlike the luxury Michael was accustomed to with the family shuttles, but it was fast and accompanied by two more shuttles from Starfleet security. In twenty minutes they arrived at the Center and hurried to the surgery waiting area.

“Ambassador Sarek,” a doctor said, bowing his head respectfully. “There is not yet word on your wife’s condition. She is still in surgery. As soon as we receive an update you will be notified.”

“Thank you.”

Michael sat beside Spock. She could feel his fear, his distress, even though he gave no outward sign of it. When she reached for him, he stiffened, and looked around to see if anyone watched them.

“Accept comfort from your mate, Spock,” Sarek said, his voice unusually tender. “The opinions of others do not matter in moments such as this.”

Michael could imagine Sarek would give anything to feel his wife’s hand on his, or her head resting against his shoulder. Spock’s body immediately relaxed, and he laced his fingers through hers and leaned against her, resting his head against hers as he leaned on his shoulder. She felt him heave a sigh that ended on a sob he barely choked back. His pain was deep, as was his fear, and Michael faced it, refused to back away from their bond to leave him to suffer it alone.

He was grateful.

“Ambassador,” Leland said as he entered the room an hour later. “I have news. The real Alexander Simmons was found dead in his apartment a few hours ago. He’d been dead at least two days, replaced by a Vulcan extremist surgically altered to look and sound like him.”

“Why didn’t I notice how different he was?” Michael asked. “I mean, I noticed but…”

“You has no reason to suspect he was an imposter,” Leland said. “I wish you and your family the best, Ambassador.”

After a quick bow, he was gone.

* * *

Hours passed before a human doctor came into the waiting area, where they were the only family waiting, to give them news.

“Your wife was fortunate, Ambassador,” she said. “The dagger did minor damage to her pericardium. Luckily it missed her heart completely. Her sternum managed to shield her from the worst damage, keeping the blade from penetrating too deeply as it could have. My biggest worry was shock and blood loss, but the syntheglobin took effect and is replenishing the blood she lost. She is in a medically induced coma to facilitate healing with a tissue regenerator, but you may visit her for a few minutes. A nurse will be in shortly to escort you to her room as soon as she’s settled.”

“She is expected to make a full recovery?” Spock asked. His voice sounded small in Michael’s ears. Small like a frightened child.

“Yes, her prognosis is good. She survived surgery; I have no reason to expect complications.”

A nurse used a dermal regenerator to heal the puncture on Michael’s shoulder. It seemed to take forever before another nurse finally came and escorted them through the halls and into a private room. Security guards were stationed outside her door and insisted on a DNA analyses to confirm their identity before allowing them entrance. Michael saw the golden lights of a security drone hovering outside the room’s window, generating a protective shield over the entire wall of the room and waiting to thwart any attack that might come from the air. Beyond that, the lights of the city glittered in the rain lashed night.

“She is so pale,” Spock said.

It was true. Michael had never seen Amanda look so sallow. She had no color, not even in her lips. It was a miracle she hadn’t died from blood loss. Sarek stood beside her bed and rested his hand on her face, his eyes closed, as he attempted to comfort her, even in her comatose state. Michael wrapped her arms around Spock, her tears soaking the front of his shirt.

Spock’s communicator buzzed. He switched the sound back on and looked at the screen. His eyes widened immediately.

“Sybok!” he said. The handsome young man on the screen looked a great deal like Sarek. Michael had heard of his errant son, but she’d never had the chance to meet him.

“Hello, Brother,” he said, unashamedly offering Spock a sad smile. “I have received the news from Starfleet Security. I now call to inquire about Amanda. Does she fare well?”

“She survived surgery,” Spock said. “They have her in a medically induced coma. The doctors believe she will fully recover.”

“I am pleased to hear this news, Brother,” Sybok said. “I would visit but I do not think—”

“May I?” Sarek asked, holding his hand out for the communicator. Michael couldn’t read his still features to tell if he was angry or not. He and Sybok had parted on bad terms just before she’d come to live with them.

“Please, Father,” Spock said, his eyes as pleading as his tone.

“Peace, my son,” he said, and took the communicator from Spock. “Give us a moment, will you?”

Reluctantly Michael left the room with Spock, but not before hearing Sarek’s voice.

“Greetings, my son,” he said. “I am pleased to see you are well…”

Sarek didn’t emerge from Amanda’s room for another thirty minutes. When he did, he gave instructions to security to escort Spock and Michael to secured quarters at the Earth embassy. After learning Amanda was going to recover, Michael felt her stomach rumble with hunger.

“Come on, Spock. Let’s get something to eat, and then some rest.”

“Yes,” he agreed, but as soon as they laid down, fully dressed, they fell into the deep and dreamless sleep only the emotionally and physically drained could know.

* * *

**Three months later**

Michael’s graduation celebration from the Vulcan Learning Center had only three guests—her foster parents, and Spock. Just as she wanted.

They took her out to one of Vulcan’s finest restaurants where she indulged in a steak dinner. After that, she and Spock took a shuttle to Valtor Canyon, where they enjoyed a stroll under the stars and watched the river below continue it’s slow run, continuing to carve deeper into the earth, much like Earth’s Grand Canyon did. They made love in the tent they pitched for the evening. As far as Michael was concerned, it was the perfect conclusion to a perfect day.

In the morning they returned home, where they would plan for the bonding ceremony, stopping at the market to order flowers. They ran into L’Nal, who fixed them both with an icy glare, especially Spock, who flushed under her scrutiny. He moved to approach her but she turned and stalked off, heading to T’Pring’s gang. His ex, and the girl he jilted, looked in his direction as they made no effort to hide the fact they were talking about him. T’Pring took obvious pleasure in whispering poison about them both.

“You’re not really upset,” Michael said, reading him.

“I wronged L’Nal. She has earned the right to be unpleasant.”

“And T’Pring?”

“She is of no concern,” he said, holding up two fingers to Michael. She touched him, feeling his affection for her. “Nothing they say or think matters, for I have you.”

“Smooth talker. I think I’ll reward you tonight… with my mouth.”

She could feel his arousal at the tease. It was immediate and powerfully urgent, hitting her as suddenly and intensely as it did him.

“Tonight, not before,” she insisted. Of course, that promise went broken as soon as the doors of their shuttle closed after their shopping. Spock eagerly reciprocated, his knowledge of her body enabling him to drive her into calling his name as she fisted a handful of his hair.

* * *

“You look absolutely beautiful,” Amanda said a couple of days later, as they stood before the full-length mirror in Michael’s room. Not that she really slept in her own bed anymore. Sarek and Amanda pretended not to notice so many of her belongings moved into Spock’s room, or how often she emerged from there in the mornings. Spock and Michael didn’t bring it up, and neither did they.

Michael studied her reflection in the mirror. She was adorned in a traditional Vulcan maiden’s dress. It hung to her ankles, was tan in color with a green sash that hung over her shoulder. She also wore a headdress that framed her face.

“This has been handed down from woman to woman in Sarek’s family for over a thousand years,” Amanda said of the headdress. “I wore it, now you will. Maybe someday you and Spock will have children of your own, and you will help dress a maiden to be bonded into the family.”

“I can’t believe I’m getting engaged today,” Michael said, feeling her hands shaking as she smoothed down her gown. “I can already sense Spock’s feelings, and he can sense mine.”

“What you have now only scratches the surface of what you’ll share when you’re truly bonded,” Amanda said. “It will take some getting used to. And an eager young man like Spock might overwhelm you at first. You’ll be aware of one another over vast distances. It’s a truly amazing experience.”

“May I ask you something?”

“Of course.”

Michael sat down on her bed and Amanda sat beside her, putting an arm around her.

“What’s it like for you when the pon farr strikes Father?”

Amanda took a deep breath. “I asked Sarek’s aunt this before I bonded with him. She tried to give an answer, but it wasn’t enough to prepare me for it. I don’t want to frighten you.”

“Nothing you say will make me change my mind about bonding with Spock.”

“Spock’s mind will become a raging storm of uncontrolled emotion and lust. At first, you’ll be able to act as the eye in the center of that storm. A calming balm on his soul as he struggles to gain control of himself. But it will eventually affect you, as well. You will both sink into madness until you resolve it.”

“And what’s that like? Resolving it?”

“It’s frightening at first. A Vulcan man will become like an animal, Spock will not be different. He will unleash everything inside him up on you. You won’t be able to tell the passage of time. There will only be him. You’ll get lost in him. Physically he will be very rough. Over time, Sarek has gotten better at controlling his hands when we copulate during pon farr. Spock will not be so gentle. You’ll need to use all of your willpower to remind him of who he is, who you are, and what’s happening. When it’s over you’ll be battered, bruised, exhausted. Thankfully it will only occur once every seven years.”

“Has a man ever killed a woman?”

“Very rarely, and not for centuries. This is the burden you will carry as his bonded mate.”

“Carry it I will,” Michael said. “I love him. I trust him.”

“Good. I know Spock will prove himself worthy of that trust. Ready?”

Michael nodded and followed Amanda to the top of the stairs. Below she could see just enough of the garden to see it populated by a few of their closest friends and family members. Michael wished her parents were there to share in this moment with her.

* * *

The gong sounded, struck by Spock, and Michael answered his call to bonding. She descended the stairs behind Amanda, who preceded her into the garden. Sarek stood to her right, with the men, while Amanda turned left, to stand at the head of the line of women in attendance. She smiled encouragingly as Michael took up a place in the center of the line. Spock rang the gong once more.

A young priestess stood directly ahead, seated in a high-backed chair. Michael had hoped T’Pau herself would attend, but she would only grace the family at the time of their marriage, during Spock’s first pon farr.

“Michael Burnham of Earth,” the priestess said. “You have heard the Call to Bonding from Spock of Vulcan. Do you answer it?”

“I do.”

The priestess motioned her to come forward. Michael walked on, her eyes locked on the priestess’s feet in a show of deep respect, though she was keenly aware of all eyes watching her. She wondered how many of them disapproved of Spock marrying a human, and therefore ‘diluting’ the family line even further than Sarek had. Their children, should they have any, would be only one quarter Vulcan, after all.

Michael stopped in front of the priestess. She and Spock knelt before her on the pillows provided. The day was bright, hot, dry, like most days on Vulcan, but a breeze mercifully blew and cooled her heated skin. She faced Spock and waited for the Priestess to speak.

“Spock, son of Sarek and Amanda. Michael Burnham, ward of Sarek and Amanda, has answered your Call to Bonding. Have you been counselled of your duties as Michael’s bonded? Have you been informed of what your place in this young woman’s life will become?”

“I have,” Spock answered.”

“Do you accept these duties, Ashas accept Michael, completely?”

“I do.”

“Michael Burnham, have you been counselled of your duties as Spock’s bonded? Have you been informed of what your place in this young man’s life will become?”

“I have.”

“Do you accept these duties, and accept Spock, completely?”

“I do,” she said looking him in the eye. Spock’s face was impassive, but she could sense his jubilance.

“It is my sacred duty to place this man, Spock, and this woman, Michael, in the Bond of the Promised. They will remain faithful to one another, awaiting the day when the Blood Fever takes control. Michael has agreed to come to Spock’s aid, to join him in the bonds of marriage at that time, and forevermore.”

She leaned forward and placed a hand on each of their faces, and closed her eyes. A moment later Michael felt Spock’s mind, so familiar and beloved, enter hers, along with the priestess’s consciousness.

But she wasn’t prepared for what came next. Her awareness of Spock deepened to the point she was no longer certain of where she ended and he began. She became Spock, and he became her, for a brief moment. When the priestess withdrew, she felt as though she and Spock were bonded as physically as they were psychically. It was as though he had a hand pressed to the back of her head, and she touched him in the same way. She’d thought they’d shared a deep bond before, but that had been nothing compared to now.

 _Spock?_

_I am here. I will always be here, Michael_.

She heard his voice in her head as clearly as she would have if he’d whispered in her ear.

The priestess spoke. “The two are bonded. The two are now one. Arise, Spock of Vulcan, and Michael of Earth. Two minds joined as one. May it be so forevermore.”

Michael stood with Spock’s assistance. They turned and faced their family, who politely applauded. Amanda smiled at her with tears in her eyes.

“You are now a true daughter of this house,” Sarek said, his lips dangerously close to smiling. “We are made stronger for it.”

Spock offered his arm and Michael looped hers through it.

“Shall we?” he said, looking into her eyes. She could almost see herself from his perspective.

“We shall.”

They led the procession into the house for the repast. The bond was intense, overwhelming, but she welcomed it.

She looked forward to every moment she would share as Spock’s bonded, and someday, his wife.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, ladies and gents, that's the conclusion of this story. I hope you enjoyed reading at as much as I enjoyed writing it. LLAP


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